Brief thoughts about parenting of teenagers beginning to make worrisome choices

20 July 2016

Written to a bishop following our stewardship interview:

Bishop,

Thank you for visiting with me last night. Some of the feelings you expressed as we ended our visit have stayed with me. At the risk of preaching, I felt this morning in my private devotions that it might be beneficial to share a few thoughts.

I don’t pretend to have the answers on how to help teenagers…or their parents...when they begin to worry us with their choices. The natural tendency is to restrict, to hover, to “supervise.”

I would caution against that, especially if we’re talking about a 17-year-old. Just as it’s natural for us to restrict or hover, it’s natural for teens being restricted to pull back and even become resentful.

A great place for parents to begin when discussing on how to address these worries is to review what we know about our Heavenly Father (parents) and the relationship He so deftly nurtures with His children. It’s a wonderful study to identify some of His "parenting techniques."

You’ll notice at the top of His list are agency (trust), charity or love (unconditional), responsibility (accountability).

Finally, He leads by example. Giving priority in our busy schedules to consistently having family prayer, family scripture study and FHE all provide so much more influence in the lives of our children in making righteous choices than we’ll ever know. When our parenting worries increase, the answer may be to increase our consistency of family devotions.

The Church also offers lots of helpful insights and ideas for parents on how to address the concerns you are having. A suggestion might be to go to lds.org and search for topics like “Helping teens stay strong,” “Helping teens make right choices,” “Helping without hovering,” etc.

I hope this is helpful. Please know the last thing I want to do is “hover” over you. You and Dana are wonderful parents! So feel no obligation to follow this counsel and know that it is shared out of love for you and your family. I remember those anxious moments as a parent when you see your children begin to make choices you know can have painful consequences. The Lord will honor you and your sweet wife for the goodness and faithfulness in your home to say nothing of the marvelous devotion you both give in your callings.

We are so grateful for the blessing you and your family are to us personally as well as to our stake.

Crismon

Restrictions for calling temple workers

19 July 2016

Bishops,

Thank you for continuing to recommend members of your ward to serve as temple workers. There continues to be a great need at the temple and the temple presidency is very grateful when we submit recommendations. What a blessing it is also in the lives of so many in our stake!

As you know, any endowed member who has been subject to formal church discipline within the past 5 years is not eligible to serve as a temple worker. That means 5 years from the day the church discipline was resolved or removed.

The same guideline applies to those who have been divorced. The 5-year clock starts from the date the divorce took effect.

As for this latter guideline, I’m embarrassed to confess that I had forgotten this part and have actually suggested to a member that there was no divorce restriction. I will correct it with her. I share this so you and I don’t cause embarrassing (even painful) situations for those who have been divorced.

By the way, the above guidelines apply for both ordinance workers and veil workers. But they do not apply for volunteers (grounds, clothing, cafeteria, etc.).

Thank you again for continuing to encourage eligible members to serve in the temple.

I hope this is helpful.

President Lewis

P.S. One other reminder: while we can certainly discuss the blessings of temple service and even ascertain a member’s interest in serving, we are not to “call” or even tell members we are submitting a recommendation for them to be called as a temple worker. Acting upon recommendations and extending calls is handled solely under the keys of the temple presidency.

Catholic leaders join us for lunch at our stake center

One of the enjoyable events in the summer of 2015 was hosting our friends Mary Hay and Connie Ostlund. They were leaders at the St Henry's Catholic Church in Gresham. Mary oversaw the St Vincent de Paul food pantry and homeless feeding program while Connie was the director of all Catholic studies and curriculum at St Henry's. They were sincerely interested in our faith so Vivienne and I hosted them on July 16, 2016 for lunch at the stake center. We ate in the high council room and then gave them a tour of the building. Connie was perceptive as she said, upon entering the chapel, I can see your church puts emphasis on speaking (pulpit) and music (choir loft). It was a delight to introduce them to the church in this way.

Bishops Storehouse average order and welfare assistance instructions

12 July 2016

Bishops,

I congratulate you. All of you are very prudent about using the Lord’s food assistance program via the Bishop’s Storehouse.

I receive a report each month from the Bishop’s Storehouse showing me how many orders are placed and their value. The needs vary significantly. For instance, the number of food orders vary from one ward generating a total of 14 orders up through May of this year and another ward only two orders in all of 2016 so far.

So it’s not wise to compare between wards. 

It’s also not fair to compare the average value per order because the family dynamics and demographics of those receiving assistance vary dramatically. But I’m going to list for you the average value of food orders for each ward so far in 2016 just to give you an idea of how we’re doing in our stake. 

If this is hurtful in any way, please let me know and forgive me. My hope is this will give you some perspective on how you’re doing in relation to others. In my opinion, all of you are doing great and are being very prudent in your judgment…for which I am most grateful.

Average food order value thru May 2016:

Damascus - $108

Estacada - $191

Powell Valley - $220

Sandy River - $166

Tickle Creek - $121

Walters Hill - $224

If any of you were into the $300 average per order, I’d be concerned. But you’re not even close. Thank you again for being wise stewards of the Lord’s funds and commodities. Please pass along my thanks to your ward Relief Society presidents and others you’re involving in placing these orders.

May I remind you that it’s appropriate for you to involve members of the Ward Council in creating and holding accountable service opportunities for those who receive assistance. You are not breaking confidence by using the Ward Council to administer welfare assistance. If helpful, please explain this to the members when counseling with them about receiving assistance.

Also, please be careful that we don’t appear to be like other institutions giving handouts freely. All who receive Church assistance, either financially or with commodities, should be expected and held accountable to give some measure of service so they accept the assistance with dignity and have a way to express gratitude (confidentially) for the generous offerings of fellow members.

Gratefully,

President Lewis