Brethren,
I realized early this morning that today is Pioneer Day in SLC. It’s a state holiday and the Church offices will be closed. So nothing we do, either on the phone or online, will be seen at Church headquarters until Tuesday. So I thought we should take one more day to think “out loud,” as well as in prayer, about the situation at hand. I’ll be as discreet as possible in case this email should ever get outside our circle.
I want to make sure I’m not overreacting to any feelings of betrayal from a dear friend, for whom I have a deep love and long friendship. Particularly was the inference, Steven, that you made during our visit last night: Is the matter so serious that the bishop needs to be released, especially so prematurely and so hastily?
You may remember, though I don’t believe you both were in the presidency at the time, I had released and had sustained a new counselor in the WH bishopric within 24-48 hours of learning that the released brother had nurtured a brief romantic relationship with a young married woman (who has since moved from the stake). They began connecting at the late-night volleyball at our stake center, then followed up with late-night visits about woes in their respective marriages and ultimately kissed. Fortunately, he went to his bishop and confessed. They were both released from their callings, he immediately and she later from her stake athletic calling. I did not take any more action, except to have the bishops counsel with them. I felt the releases, especially his so abruptly from a significant calling of trust, was adequate and appropriate as part of their repentance. Thankfully, both of their marriages appear to be happy, if not thriving, today.
After our visit last night, I was able to talk at length with the woman involved in our current concern and she corroborated what that bishop had told me. They both allowed their feelings to cross the line married couples covenant not to cross. In brief, they (1) expressed love for each other even wishing they could marry “if circumstances were different," (2) sent sexually suggestive text messages to each other, (3) spent late night hours together both in his office and once or twice in her home, (4) they had a “secret" rendezvous in a site other than his office or their home, (5) they kissed each other on two or three occasions, (6) they inappropriately caressed each other above the clothes (he 2 or 3 times, she once), and (7) they were nurturing this relationship in secret, intentionally deceiving their respective spouses.
His calling, of course, compounds the seriousness of all of this. Though not intentional or premeditated, the bishop allowed the trust that is inherent with his sacred calling to lead to an intimate relationship with a married woman in his ward. Despite the many warnings from the Spirit, he had rationalized that he was giving a young, neglected wife the care and affection she had long gone without in her marriage. He, too, with pretty much an invalid wife, had gone without affection and care from a wife. The attention of a pretty woman, who freely confided in and shared her heart with him, had become irresistible.
Fortunately, all of this came to light before it went further—something I’m personally VERY grateful for. While both had drawn a line of physical affection, the level of sexually explicit messages (“talking dirty” via messaging) was not only inappropriate but was obviously the trap Satan was setting to destroy both families and cause the excommunication of a bishop.
My feeling is that the bishop has broken trust…with the Lord, the stake presidency, the ward members, the ward leaders, himself and, especially, his wife…I feel no other recourse than to release him as quickly as possible. Our responsibility is to protect the Church—to give members assurance that we are monitoring closely and care deeply abut the trustworthiness of the bishopric and ward leadership we’ve asked them to sustain—and help all involved to repent. Having said that, I don’t believe the actions of this couple should be addressed in formal discipline at this time (assuming more damaging information does not come to light), but that rather the embarrassment of a prompt release and the spouses discovering will adequately addresses the issue and help them change course. However, if their relationship continues, after the dust has settled, then I would recommend formal discipline.
I have always found it helpful to vent my feelings in writing as a way to sort out what’s important—in hopes of not making decisions on emotion. I hope the above has been helpful to you.
I now ask that you respond with your feelings. I realize your obligation to be supportive of the stake president can temper even taint, your feelings and reactions to all of this. But I really need your counsel. Please do not hold back. This is new territory for me, too, and I must be careful that I not allow my personal feelings create a vacuum where I do not listen to reason, or even more importantly, to the Spirit.
Are we taking the appropriate action? Are we addressing it with enough firmness and love to help save both parties and both families? How do we address it without causing widespread speculation and rumors that could lead members to lose trust in their priesthood leaders?
Finally, if we do move forward with a quick reorganization of the bishopric, who do you feel the Lord has prepared to bring healing to the ward?
Thank you in advance for your counsel,
Crismon
