In response to a stake member who was questioning the fairness of disciplinary action taken against his recently returned missionary son

31 May 2017

Brother (name),

Thank you very much for your email and for sharing your concerns.

I’m so glad to hear both you and (wife) are going with (son) to (country) to help him sort out the delicate issues at hand. I look forward to hearing from you at your earliest convenience as to how things are progressing.

As for your concerns about inconsistency in church discipline, please know that we’re trying to be as consistent as possible and to follow the guidelines of the Church Handbooks. I welcome you sharing any specific Handbook statements you feel we are ignoring. 

As for (another young man in the stake), he is not a returned missionary and has not made the same covenants as your son. Nor has he had sexual intercourse.

As for (another returned missionary), while deeply saddened by his choices after his mission, there is no evidence, that i’m aware of, that he announced publicly he was gay while on his mission. Now, had he publicly sought to recruit other youth or members to join him in his lifestyle, even after returning then he would certainly place himself in a position of receiving church discipline.

As you well know, we don’t go around conducting disciplinary councils on everyone who breaks commandments (announcing they’re gay or co-habitating out of wedlock) and even temple covenants. You’ll recall I asked you several times to consider action on an endowed sister in your ward who had a child out of wedlock, which increased her visibility as one who has mocked God. BTW, your successor hasn’t done so either despite my requests and encouragement. So even the most obvious cases sometimes go without church discipline.

Speaking of that case, why do you think both you and Bishop Miller have been slow in taking disciplinary action? Simply because (the mother) has shown no interest in wanting to repent. So unless the member is in a high-profile position in the Church, the unwritten rule is that church discipline is typically reserved for those who  want to repent. 

In short, church discipline is a blessing—a vehicle or tool to help those who want to repent, to walk that thorny path that all must walk in order to receive a complete healing and find ourselves worthy and clean to stand in the presence of God.

What a blessing it was that your son was willing to participate in church disciplinary action. It set his foot on the path to return sooner, than later. What if he had concealed it even after returning home? How sad and tragic this would all be if it had unraveled much later and in a different way. There’s a decent chance he would have been excommunicated.

So you’re aware, before (your son's) disciplinary council was held, I felt weighed down by it all to the extent I finally called the Missionary Department in SLC and ended up speaking to the brother who oversees all the field representatives throughout the world. I asked if he was aware of the situation and if he had any guidance for me as I’d never been put in a position of having to address a full-time missionary returning home with sins that had not been addressed in the mission field. He was aware of (your son's) confession and somewhat apologized to me explaining that (your son's) mission president made a mistake. That once he received (your son's) confession, President (mission president) should have kept your son in the field (i.e. delayed passage home) and conducted a disciplinary council right away.

So, unfortunately, it all landed on us and you personally had to be involved in the disciplinary action, itself; which I think, to some extent, was a blessing where you could be there for (your son) during the ordeal and not have a son come home in a disgraced, disciplined state—not knowing exactly what happened.

Finally, let me say this. While I appreciate your concerns, that you continue to share, let me remind you that a disciplinary council is not a punishment, even though it appears that way. It is a blessing for those who truly want to repent—a way to demonstrate their "faith unto repentance.” I caution you not to allow your inaccurate feelings about church discipline, i.e. that it is a punishment or it is meted out inconsistently, spill over to your son. I’m confident you’re not sharing those feelings with your son, but as we see over and over, that even parents' unspoken attitudes somehow reach the hearts of children and affect the way they live the gospel. Please be careful, my friend, that your attitude doesn’t hinder or cause a delay in your son’s repentance process. He has a long way to go and I am concerned he is not taking all of this seriously enough because he sees or feels that dad considers the disciplinary action unfair.

We love you and your family. What a blessing all of you are to our stake. Thank you for walking with your son on this difficult journey to being whole and healed.

Gratefully,

Crismon

P.S. I’m deeply troubled to hear we have another RM who is contemplating announcing that he is gay. Is this information confidential to you or can you share with me who it is so I can reach out to him, if he’ll allow me to do so?

High Council Speaking Guideline when a member of the Stake Presidency is on the stand

30 May 2017

Paul and Steven,

You don’t really need this, but so we’re all on the same page please consider sharing the following in your teaching of the HC assigned to your committee.

I truly don’t want to make a “rule” and I certainly don’t want HC to stress. I simply want them to consider the following guidelines when they speak in a ward and a member of the stake presidency is on the stand.

1. If the HC has 20 minutes or more remaining in the meeting (not including the closing song and prayer) please consider the courtesy of closing 3-5 minutes early to allow time for the stake presidency member to bear testimony of the HC's subject.

2. Please do NOT ask the presidency member before the meeting if he wants time and do NOT announce in your talk that you’re going to leave time for the presidency member to speak. That decision is solely up to the presidency member. It’s OK if the meeting ends early.

3. Please help to make sure the sacrament meeting doesn’t go over time (I’m trying to repent of this myself).

I hope this is helpful. Feel free to adapt. I don’t want HC to stress over this, but for all of us to go by the Spirit and, when appropriate, allow a member of the stake presidency to “seal” a sacrament meeting with his testimony.

Let me know if you have any questions. Please help emphasize that this is NOT a rule, but simply a guideline as to what would be nice when they speak and a member of the presidency is on the stand.

Thank you,

Crismon

Suggestions on conducting a ring ceremony following a temple wedding

Suggestions for a Ring Ceremony

by Crismon Lewis, former Mount Hood YSA Ward Bishop

Priesthood leaders are advised to review the guidelines established in Handbook 1: 3.5.1. You will note that there is no specified ceremony for exchanging rings following a temple wedding. So the term “ring ceremony” as used in this document is not an official term used by the Church.

However, non-member parents, family and close friends can be offended when they are excluded from temple weddings. In an attempt to soothe possible hurt feelings among non-member family members, I have used the following format for conduct–ing many ring ceremonies prior to wedding receptions. I have found these to be excellent opportunities to teach gospel truths to non-member guests.

I share these not as official guidelines, but simply ideas and suggestions for helping other priesthood leaders.

The ring ceremony may be held outside or anywhere in the church building, except not in the chapel so as not to imply that this is the actual wedding ceremony or a repeat of the ceremony.

I allowed the following in ring ceremonies: (1) while not advisable, I allowed the bride to be escorted down an aisle by her father or husband while music is playing, if important to the family; (2) an opening prayer; (3) a special musical number;
(4) a message by the bishop or person conducting the ceremony; (5) exchange of rings; (6) I encouraged expressions by the bride and groom and sometimes other family members, if they desire; (7) applause at the end.

Key points to consider in the bishop’s message:

·   Be sensitive to the non-members, possibly parents, who may have been hurt by being excluded from the actual wedding;

·   Explain why we have temples and why weddings are so sacred in our faith;

·   Help them understand that the bride and groom chose to put God first by marrying in the temple;

·   Teach how marriage and family are at the center of God’s plan for His children.

Possible Message Content:

We are very honored to have all of you here today to celebrate the wedding of (groom) and (bride). They love you very much and are grateful you have chosen to honor them at this very important time in their lives.

You may remember the Bible tells the story of when someone once asked Jesus what  are the greatest commandments in the law. He replied that one of the two greatest commandments is that we are to love our neighbor as our self. That is why you are all here today. (Groom) and (bride) love you very much and have invited you to be a part of their wedding.

The actual wedding occurred earlier today in the Portland Oregon Temple, a very sacred edifice in our faith. There are only 150 such buildings in the entire world. In our faith, we believe God has set aside these very special places where the very highest of ordinances or sacraments are performed. One of those special ceremonies performed in the temple by those with special authority is what we call “an eternal marriage” or a marriage for the eternities. For instance, in that ceremony (groom) and (bride) never heard the words, “until death do you part.” In the ceremony, God makes a promise with couples that their love will go beyond the grave…they are joined for the eternities…they are a forever family.

As you can imagine, this is a very personal and sacred experience. So not everyone is able to attend the actual wedding. We hope none of you were hurt or offended by (groom) and (bride)’s decision to marry in the temple.

You see, Jesus also said that the “first and great commandment” is to “love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all they soul, and with all thy mind.” (Matthew 22:37-38)

In other words, by their decision to marry in the temple, even though it may have excluded some of those they love very, very much, it doesn’t mean that they love you less…but simply that they love God more, as Jesus commanded. (Groom) and (bride)  wanted to put God first in their lives…to make Him their foundation upon which they establish their marriage and upon which they will build their family.

In our faith, we believe modern-day prophets have declared that “marriage between a man and a woman is ordained of God and that the family is central to the Creator's plan for the eternal destiny of His children.” This life…in fact everything about this life…is about families.

God is not just our Creator, but a loving Heavenly Father. Like our earthly parents he loves us and yearns for our happiness.

Each of us…everyone on earth…is a beloved spirit son or daughter of heavenly parents. When we come to earth we take upon us a physical body. We leave the loving arms of heavenly parents and are welcomed into the loving arms of earthly parents. We call this birth.

Later we are commanded to leave the loving arms of our earthly parents and cleave unto another…our husband or wife. This, too, is a birth. In fact, we are witnesses of  just such a birth that happened today. It’s the birth of a family.

Marriage is the beginning of a new family!

But the Lord doesn’t divide He multiplies. So even though (bride), in a sense, is leaving her parents, actually the (groom’s family) is gaining a daughter. And (bride’s) parents are gaining a son.

Marriage and families truly are ordained of God. We believe families are sacred because they’re the method…the vehicle, if you will…God uses to help and bless His children who are sent to earth to grow, learn and fulfill His plan of happiness for each of us.

That’s why we cherish His law of chastity or being faithful in marriage. That’s why we honor each other in marriage with love, respect, kindness, compassion, and righteousness. That’s why we pray together as husband and wife…why we work together…play together…parent together.

Because marriage is so sacred you may have noticed in the scriptures that the Savior referred to himself as the bridegroom and His followers…the church…as the bride. I believe it is His way of telling us how much He loves us. He uses the symbol of the sacrificial love essential in marriage as a way of teaching us of the highest form of love we can attain in this life—it’s the depth of sacrificial love He has for us!

Both (groom) and (bride) made eternal covenants today in the Lord’s Holy House and became a forever family, never to be separated by death. Their love and their family will endure through the eternities. It’s God’s marvelous plan for the eternal joy and happiness of his children.

They wanted you to share in their joy with this brief ring ceremony. I would now like to invite (groom) and (bride) to share their feelings about what has happened today and how much they appreciate you being with them to mark this sacred occasion.

(After groom and bride share their feelings)

I now invite the bride and groom to exchange rings symbolic of the eternal covenants made today…and to seal this with a kiss.

(After rings are exchanged and a kiss)

I present to you Mr. and Mrs. (last name).  (Usually elicits applause and an end to the ring ceremony as the couple either lead the party into the reception area or begin greeting family and friends.)

Guidelines for Teacher Council Meeting format

Preparations

·      Teachers reminded in advance of the day and time of the upcoming council meeting and to come prepared to discuss the designated teaching principle

·      Teachers arranged in a half-circle to encourage familiarity and discussion

·      Extra copies of the booklet “Teaching in the Savior’s Way” on hand for all attendees

·      Ward Sunday School presidency members (or, on occasion, others assigned by the Ward Council) serve as council facilitator

·      Each Teacher Council Meeting begins with an assigned opening prayer

Format of a Teacher Council Meeting

As per the guidelines set forth on page 3 of “Teaching in the Savior’s Way”:

1.     Teachers share successes and counsel together on how to resolve specific issues they’re experiencing in their classrooms. (15 min.)

2.     Facilitator invites discussion on one of the teaching principles found in “Teaching in the Savior’s Way” booklet and selected by the council.  (15 min.)

a.     Teachers themselves to select the next teaching principle to be discussed.

3.     Facilitator does the following: (15-20 min)

a.     Invites teachers to practice the teaching principle (#2) as recommended at the end of each lesson;

b.     Invites teachers to prayerfully implement the teaching principle in their class or at home;

c.      Leads the class to select the teaching principle for the next TCM discussion;  

d.     Closes with testimony and assigned closing prayer.

Expressing concerns about the ongoing failure in our stake to implement more effectively the Teacher Council Meetings

17 May 2017

In response to an email from Jim Lyle, 1st counselor in the Stake Sunday School Presidency:

Brother Jim,

Thank you for your feedback. You have not offended. I hope I can do as well, i.e. not offend.

While the stake president and bishop are ultimately responsible for the effectiveness of the TCM in each ward, the ward SS presidency has been delegated the authority by the bishop to oversee and facilitate the functioning of the TCM in each ward and I am delegating to the Stake SS presidency the task of monitoring and training, as needed, the ward SS presidencies as to the effectiveness of each ward’s TCM.

Hopefully ward SS presidencies do not see you as a spy, but as a resource—someone who is going to observe and help guide them in making the TCM more and more effective without being critical or condescending. Please help them see we’re in this together.

I confess a significant frustration with how well our stake is implementing this marvelous “Teaching in the Savior’s Way” initiative, including the Teacher Council Meeting, which holds such promise and potential for actually making a difference in the teaching effectiveness in our stake. When this initiative was introduced last year, I was encouraged about how clearly and simply the guidelines were set forth…especially on page 3 where the TCM was explained (and that led to our most recent document, which I appreciated the contributions from the Stake SS presidency).

Within a few months, I could readily see (by feedback as well as my own observations) that some wards were turning the TCM into a teacher improvement class, not a council—something I’ve heard you properly point out several times. That’s why I set up in our 2017 Ward Conference instructions that the bishop and stake president would attend a TCM meeting during the 2nd hour of every ward conference.

Thinking that would give wards plenty of time--and motivation--to review carefully page 3 and even go to the Stake SS presidency and ask for guidance, I fully expected to attend some wonderful Teacher Council Meetings. Sadly...no tragically...not one ward has followed the format outlined in page 3, especially the element of teachers counseling together at the beginning and the class ending with an invitation and testimony.

Every TCM we’ve attended in connection with ward conferences have been little more than a teacher improvement class.  Hence my email.

Frankly, it doesn’t matter to me how we make the change. If the Stake SS presidency has a better plan, I’m all for it. What I am asking is for the Stake SS presidency to take ownership of the TCMs in our stake and present to the Stake Presidency a plan on how and when you can give us the assurance that wards are finally understanding how to conduct a TCM…that all in the Stake Council can have confidence that if we slip into any TCM in this stake, we will find wards following the guidelines set forth in the “Teaching in the Savior’s Way” booklet.

That is my expectation and hope. After 9 months with this marvelous program in our hands, we can do better as a stake.

Thank you for yours and the Stake SS Presidency’s support and extra-mile efforts to bless our stake with this wonderful opportunity to improve our gospel teaching at all levels.

President Lewis

P.S. As the Stake SS Presidency contemplates this direction, may I add one more concern that I feel needs addressing?

In my observations since visiting the TCMs during ward conferences (we have one more this Sunday—Damascus), I’ve come to the conclusion that one of the reasons that wards may not be conducting a “council” at the beginning of the TCM is that there are very few teachers attending the TCM. Most of the attendees are the diligent auxiliary leaders. But they’re not getting their teachers to the TCM.

That puts a great deal of emphasis on the first bullet of the “Preparations” heading in the attached document. We expect the ward SS presidencies to remind teachers in advance of the TCM (or remind leaders to remind the their teachers) and to ask them to come prepared to discuss the designated teaching principle. I also suspect that the ward SS presidencies do not know who are the teachers in the auxiliaries beyond SS so it’s not easy or natural for them to interact with the teachers in a council setting.

To this last point, there is a natural tendency for the Stake SS Presidency try to model how the TCM is to be conducted by filling in one Sunday for a ward. I do not recommend this simply because stake leaders won’t know who’s who in the TCM—who are the teachers, who are the leaders. My suggestion is that, if you want to model how a TCM is conducted (and that’s a wonderful principle), then conduct a “mock” TCM in the ward SS presidency meeting inviting the ward presidency to pretend they're teachers.

As a final observation (for today :), you may want to remind ward TCM facilitators (SS presidency) that if they find themselves standing in the TCM, as a teacher does in a class, then that’s a signal they’re teaching not facilitating. Please remind them..they are to facilitate the TCM. A class is taught, a council is facilitated.

I’ve attached again the document that all of you helped prepare as a guideline for wards. Please train from this document, along with the “Teaching in the Savior’s Way” booklet, in all ward SS presidencies, if you have not already.

Thank you again for your devotion to this important cause.

The No-Fundraising Miracle: In response to Scout leaders who use no fundraising as an excuse for a less-than first-rate Scouting program

The Lord is a God of abundance, not scarcity

·   Widow of Zarephath, “…neither shall the cruise of oil fail.” (1 Kings 17:8-16)

·   Jesus feeds the 5,000, “…they were filled…12 baskets remained” (John 6:5-14)

·   “And so great was the prosperity of the church…that even the high priests and teachers were astounded.” (Helaman 3:25)

How ward and stake budgets are funded

·   Average sacrament meeting attendance X $12 per person each quarter

·   Attendance and budget allocation calculated 4X per year: March, June, Sept, Dec

·   Our estimated Stake Budget Allocation breakdown:

            $60K Total allocation or revenue in 2017

            $30K Allocated to the stake (half or $15K goes to summer camp subsidies)

            $30K Allocated to wards and branches

In October 2012 we…

…suspended all fundraising in the stake as per repeated direction in Handbook 2

…allowed wards to carry over budget surpluses (up to 50% of annual allocation)

Our obedience to the Handbook created the following surpluses:

• $11K stake budget carry over from 2016; total surplus now $36K

            (Earmarked: $25K for 2019 Trek, $6K for YM subsidy, $2K for technology plans)

• $20K (actually $19,623) ward budget carry over from 2016

So…

1. Double your Ward Young Men’s budget immediately (be the hero!)

2. Please teach your Ward Young Men leaders…

·   Change their attitude: don’t miss the No-Fundraising Miracle!

·   Fundraising not needed; no ward budget used for summer camps (Scout Camp).

·   Plenty of funds; $$ not an excuse for less than a first-rate YM / Scouting program.

·   With added funds, hold Scout leaders accountable for spending plans.

Spending the Lord's funds wisely to help address surplus budget funds for both the stake and wards

16 May 2017

In response to the significant budget fund surplus that both the stake and wards have experienced, the following suggsestions were made.

The Lord has blessed our stake with a miracle. Because we chose in 2012 to suspend all fundraising, in obedience to the oft-repeated request that we not conduct youth fundraisers for summer camp fees or equipment (see Handbook 2: 8.13.78; 10.8.9; 13.2.9; and 13.6.8), our stake has been blessed with a significant surplus of both stake and ward budget funds.

We can show our appreciation by spending our budget excesses wisely in support of  “programs and activities of the Church (that) support and strengthen individuals and families.” (Handbook 2: 2.2)

Here are suggestions on how to spend our surplus funds wisely:

·   Hold more ward activities. We recommend at least one ward activity per quarter and that every organization holds at least one activity for their members per quarter. Activities provide opportunities for members to invite friends and less-actives. To this end, consider allocating more funds to each organization to host more activities.

·   Help lighten the financial burden on families by further subsidizing summer camps for the youth in your ward—beyond the $150 for Scout camp and $75 for all other camps.

·   Increase the Scout budget significantly so leaders do not use funding as an excuse for not providing a first-rate Scouting program in the ward.

·   Encourage more camping and outdoor experiences for Scouts, young women and older young men. We desire every young man in our stake to experience “40 days and 40 nights” in the wilderness (Matthew 4:1-2) as part of his missionary preparation. Consider allocating $100 per campout.

·   Purchase outdoor and camping equipment to encourage more youth outdoor outings and campouts.

·   Teach and encourage leaders to submit receipts for travel costs and other expenses incurred for church activities that often do not get reimbursed.

·   Purchase technology equipment that will help ward leaders to operate more effectively or to enhance the effectiveness of classroom instruction.

·   Provide financial support for activities around important events, such as the Cub Scout Blue & Gold Dinner, a dinner honoring women during the Mother’s Day month of May, a Pioneer Day picnic, etc.

·   Use funds, when needed, to encourage participation in service opportunities.

Addressing the weakness of pride

8 May 2017

Email sent to a brother, who had been excommunicated the day before. It was made known in the disciplinary council that at the heart of his downfall was the weakness of pride in his life. He wrote an email the next day asking how to address this weakness.

Brother (name),

Thank you for writing and for desiring to elicit a change in your very nature. We all yearn to discover how to “put off the natural man” and become “a saint through the atonement of Christ the Lord” even become "as a child, submissive, meek, humble, patient, full of love, willing to submit to all things” from the Lord. (Mosiah 3:19) 

And thank you for desiring to conduct a serious study of what pride truly means and how it applies to you and your life.

Here are some links that may be helpful:

President Benson's masterful discourse on the subject: https://www.lds.org/ensign/1989/05/beware-of-pride?lang=eng&_r=1

A brief video with a few highlights of his message: https://www.lds.org/media-library/video/2012-05-1307-teachings-of-ezra-taft-benson-pride?lang=eng

Topical Guide listings on Pride: https://www.lds.org/scriptures/tg/pride.html?lang=eng&letter=P

You will notice that pride isn’t so much being conceited, as the world would describe it, but failing to put the Lord first in every aspect of our lives. For starters, I suggest you study all the scriptures referenced in President Benson’s talk and listed in the Topical Guide for Pride. As you read each verse, write in a journal how this verse applies to (his name) and his life. I encourage you not to ask, “Does this verse apply to me?” but “How does this verse apply to me?” and write what comes to mind, including events and incidences in your life in which you fell into the “pride trap” referenced in the scripture.

Thank you for your desire to meet often with Bishop (name). He will continue to be a great friend and guide for you in the repentance process. We love you and pray for you that you’ll not just “bide your time” but make the coming year(s) an enriching experience in which you and others recognize a change of heart, even a change of nature, which is the true definition of repentance.

Warmly,

Crismon

Reminder to bishoprics about referring to men as "the priesthood"

8 May 2017

EMAIL TO THE YSA BRANCH PRESIDENT TRENT WESTOVER

President Westover,

This is not to be a criticism, but a reminder of training we’ve tried to give to all bishoprics and branch presidencies:

We try to avoid calling priesthood holders as “the priesthood.” It’s common in the church, but it can actually be offensive to women when we suggest the priesthood is a man when it’s an authority. It can be offensive to women because it suggests it’s a “man only thing” when both women and men share in the blessings and authority of the priesthood, as confirmed in the temple even though women are not ordained to an office in the priesthood.

Also please avoid excusing the brethren who administer and pass the sacrament after the administration of the sacrament. Just notify them before hand that once they’re done, they are to get up and return to the congregation without being directed or even acknowledged.

We’re trying to eliminate needless traditions like, “We thank and excuse the priesthood and invite them to sit in the audience.”

Please pass along to your branch presidency.

Thanks,

PrL

In response to a request for a biographical sketch on Vivienne

6 May 2017

Sister Carla,

Nice of you to ask. I know she’ll be embarrassed by just about anything you say and we want to be sensitive to sisters who may feel less because they haven’t accomplished as much or done as much or whatever. So I’ll put a few bullet points and you decide what to draw from without causing hurt to anyone, please.

• Born in Moscow, ID and grew up in Logan, Utah (her father was a chemistry professor at Utah State University)

• Served a mission in her youth to San Antonio, Texas

• Married in the Logan Temple in 1975

• Mother of 9 children, 24 grandchildren

• Has suffered much of her life from the crippling childhood polio that returned 24 years ago as post-polio syndrome

• Has a remarkable ability to remember and recognize birthdays of her family and many friends

• Enjoys a quiet ministry to many, especially elderly sisters

• Blesses her husband with her personal devotion and example of a Christ-like life

Hope this helps!

Crismon

Honoring all women, including mothers

5 May 2017

Email sent to all bishops and stake leaders...

Bishops,

We realize some traditions are painful when eliminated, such as the gifts, food and focus on mothers and fathers for Mother’s and Father’s Days, as we explained in our 2014 letter to the stake (attached).

Thank you for keeping the emphasis of our Sabbath worship services on the Savior and His gospel.

I was reminded again last night of the wonderful ways we can honor all women, including mothers. For example, last night the Walters Hill Ward High Priest group treated all women in our ward to a very nice dinner and program. It has already become a much-anticipated and worthwhile tradition in the ward, a way to honor all women during "Mother’s Day month.”

On the other hand, please know we have not meant this to be a “ban” on using the word “mother” or referring to mothers or fathers in our meetings. For instance, most wards in our stake still incorporate music traditionally sung in honor of mothers or fathers in their meetings.

Thank you for finding ways to honor women, including mothers, around this time of year while preserving our Sunday services for worshipping the Lord.

President Lewis