A discussion with President Christiansen about parents attending the worthiness portion of priesthood leader's interviews

Thanks for sharing your feelings.

I guess I don’t fully agree with what you’re trying to do. But I do agree that parents can and should visit regularly with their children about worthiness at home, as you’re doing. 

I recommend you consider making the focus of your “mini-crusade” is to help priesthood leaders know you expect them to ALWAYS notify you when they want to schedule an interview and NEVER to just pull your son or daughter into an interview without notice.

In my opinion, the ideal is for the priesthood leader to have one or both parents in the interview with the youth and, if appropriate, to discuss how the gospel is being taught in the home, what parents are doing to prepare their child for the next ordinance, how much is the child grasping it, if the child is having personal prayer and scripture study, etc.

Then I recommend the parents be excused, unless they’re worried that inappropriate questions will be asked. It would be appropriate for the leader or parents to make it clear to the youth the parents will be right outside the office if they feel uncomfortable they can get up, walk out and share concerns with the parents. 

But, as you know, a private interview is the only way some youth are going to divulge confidential info they don’t want the parents to know. The leader, of course, will eventually help teach the youth about repentance, including being honest and forthright with the parents. But if youth are deceiving their parents at home, they’re certainly not going to be forthright in a church interview with the parents present. So, in a way, we’re encouraging the youth to continue to lie or deceive.

Hopefully as parents I would think we would welcome priesthood leaders to discover issues that children may not want to reveal yet to their parents. Priesthood leaders can help teach youth how to approach the parents as part of their repentance. I don’t think we want to eliminate that. I believe the handbook guidance is to give the parents assurance they can sit in on interviews, if they choose, but if they welcome discovery by priesthood leaders to help their children become totally honest and repentant, they’ll want to allow privacy in part of their interviews.

What are your thoughts to this?

That's the part she's most interested in being a part of. We've tried to adopt the church's allowances for parents to be in interviews since the policy was changed. Unfortunately, some times we've not been invited when Cole or London have been "pulled into an interview" and we didn't even know about it. 

In our own small way, we hope to be part of changing church culture surrounding worthiness interviews and protecting against misunderstandings. We of course check in with London and make sure he's okay with it/wants one of us there. It has proven very helpful for us as a family since we've started going. What are your thoughts about this?

From Handbook 1, 7.4, “Protecting against Misunderstandings”When a member of a bishopric or stake presidency or another assigned leader meets with a child, youth, or woman, he or she should ask a parent or another adult to be in an adjoining room, foyer, or hall. If the person being interviewed desires, another adult may be invited to be present during the interview. Leaders should avoid all circumstances that could be misunderstood.

For Alisha and I, our #1 priority for our kids is safety. That’s why we were excited when the church acknowledged that if desired, parents could be in interviews with their kids. We feel that it’s protection for both kids and the leaders. I even changed my practice at school when the church came out with the new guidelines—I think I mentioned to you that I uncovered the window on my door so people can always see into my office now. For us, it’s not about feeling uncomfortable with one leader and feeling more trustworthy with another leader, it’s just about establishing a new norm with our kids that one of us will always be there with them.  It’s kind of like our “no sleepover” policy—we don’t consider one family versus another—we just don’t let our kids sleep over at any other kids’ houses nor allow sleepovers here. In that same way, we want to be with our kids in interviews.

For sure there are times when youth will not be truthful to parents, but will confide in a priesthood leader. That’s a great thing that they shared it with the Priesthood leader!  There are times of course when the youth isn’t truthful to the priesthood leader either, and then the missionaries have returned home early. Parents there or not there didn’t necessarily make a difference in the youth being upfront with leaders.  In some ways it may even be “better” that parents are in the interview when they’ve gone through a searching interview themselves with the youth, as they (the parents) are there then to follow up with the youth as he/she shares things with the ecclesiastical leader.

In the “good, better, best” model, I think it is best when the youth shares with his parents her/his struggles and then the youth and parent can/do meet with the ecclesiastical together and make a plan of action. We’ve done this with London and it’s been great. The more support a person has when they’re struggling with something, and the more team players working together on the same plan, the better. Similar to going to a doctor’s appointment, where the treatment plan for an illness is being explained, more ears to hear and understand make for a higher likelihood that the plan will be carried out and followed through, ensuring a better chance at recovery, especially when it’s a youth. (This “good/better/best” would even extend to church callings—having a second set of adult ears to hear what the leader tells Cole his responsibilities will be as a Teacher’s Quorum President would go a long way to help us support him in this role.)

I do feel that if an individual requests another person to be in an interview or if parents make a request to be in an interview with their child, then a leader should allow it for the entire interview. This could be one of those areas where “Home Centered, Church Supported” includes the parents being fully aware of where their child is at (including sin) because of the strong, open relationship , and then being supported by leaders, as the leaders hold the keys for ordinances and so forth.

Thanks. I don’t know if this is a big enough topic to bring Paul in on our conversation, but I’m fine if you want to get his perspective. 

I appreciate the ongoing conversation. And I commend you and Alisha for feeling so protective of your children. You are extraordinary parents, as you are certainly aware after your years in the schools and church leadership. I wish there were more parents like you who are so concerned and caring about the spiritual well being of their children. 

However, your approach still seems to me a bit extreme. I agree wholeheartedly that parents should be the first to discover transgressions among their children, if possible, and parents are responsible to take or direct their children to the bishop, but I would want my children to understand that the repentance process includes going voluntarily to God's representative (bishop) and confess sins. I would want them to practice that now so they'll apply it later in life—on their own.

I would not want them to experience the feeling that their parents were "hauling" them into the bishop's office to confess sins; just as you would not want the bishop to haul your child into your home and demand in front of you that they confess to you newly discovered sins. It's so much better when the young person is taught how honesty with parents is part of repentance. In my opinion, teaching the principles of repentance and helping our children want to apply those principles independently is one of the greatest gifts we can give them.

I hope we can teach parents and bishops this "new" partnership (creating a plan of action, as you suggest) so that there is more of a "team" approach to helping youth, knowing our ultimate goal is to help them want to live the gospel on their own.

Please know I love the idea of the bishop and parents working together on a plan of action, once a sin or even an addiction, is discovered and the young person wants to change. But my concern is that having the parent even in the worthiness part of a priesthood leader's interview undermines a Church leader's ability to help the parents discover unrepentant sins. If a parent insists, then, of course, the priesthood leader must comply But I hope the spirit of partnership will prevail so parents and priesthood leaders are in sync with the mutual goal of helping the young person learn to live the gospel independently.

Are we going in circles (saying the same thing over and over to each other)?

If you still insist on the parents sitting in on the worthiness portion of the interview, then I assign you (and Alisha to join you, if you choose) to conduct the interview with your son and then make the recommendation to the stake presidency as to London's  preparedness and worthiness to receive the Melchizedek Priesthood. (Another perk of your calling :)

Thanks,

Crismon

Ideas for involving more members in Temple and Family History work

1 April 2019

In an effort to get more members involved in the “gathering of Israel on both sides of the veil” (Temple and Family History work) here are some ideas for leaders to consider:

• START AT HOME: Everyone can begin right at home by: (1) setting up your account on the Family Search website (sign in with your Church log in); (2) downloading the Family Tree app (free at the App Store); and/or (3) completing a My Family booklet available through any ward family history consultant.
• ASK FOR HELP: The Church offers many family history tools. Invite a ward temple and family history consultant to come to your home and acquaint you with the many tools available from the Church.
• TAKE AN ANCESTOR TO THE TEMPLE: Discover how easy it is to find a relative on www.familysearch.org. Print out the name (already formatted for use in the temple) and take the name to the temple to complete the ordinances.
• HELP SOMEONE ELSE: Let others in your Relief Society or Elders Quorum know you are available to help take their family names to the temple.
• MEET RELATIVES VIA DNA TESTING: Though not free, participating in a DNA test (available online) is a fascinating way to determine your roots and meet relatives online.
• SCHEDULE A FAMILY TEMPLE EVENT: Organize your children and grandchildren to find names of ancestors and go to the temple together to perform family baptisms.
• SUPPORT WARD TEMPLE ACTIVITIES: Participate when your ward organizes groups to go to the temples, especially find ways to help youth to have a family history and temple experience.
• PREPARE FOR THE TEMPLE: If you have not attended the temple yet, work closely with your bishop and other leaders on how to learn about, prepare for and have a temple experience for yourself.
• SERVE IN THE TEMPLE: For those who have been endowed, there are many opportunities to serve in the temple as an ordinance worker or volunteer.

Ideas on how to involve more members in missionary work

In an effort to get more members involved in the “Gathering of Scattered Israel” (Missionary work) here are some ideas for leaders to consider:

• MEMBERS AT LESSONS: Create a pool of members who would be willing to reply on short notice to attend missionary lessons with full-time missionaries.
• PRAY FOR INVESTIGATORS: Create a pool of members who would be willing to pray for investigators by name when invited by the full-time missionaries.
• MISSIONARIES OF THE WEEK: Each week assign different individuals and families to be the “go-to missionaries” for the week; each willing to: (1) pray for a missionary experience; (2) receive the full-time missionaries into their home during the week for a lesson or training; (3) watch the video “I’ll Go Where You Want Me to Go” on lds.org and counsel together what does it mean to “Gather Scattered Israel” and discuss what each person in the home can do that week to help gather scattered Israel.
• INVITATION SUNDAYS: Schedule an Invitation Sunday at least 4 times per year and encourage every member to invite a friend to attend; maybe have a brief social after the two-hour meeting. Assign speakers who will address topics of interest to visitors and consider having a special musical number, including a number by the ward choir.  
• USE FAMILY HISTORY: Coordinate Ward or Branch Family History Consultants to visit assigned homes and train them on how to research their ancestors enough so they feel confident to invite their neighbors to learn about their family.
• USE SERVICE: Using the JustServe Committee as a resource, help individuals and families through assignment to participate in community service opportunities, preferably with other community members, and make new friends. Also consider regular service projects to involve new members, returning members and friends.
• MISSIONARY COMMITTEE: Establish a ward or branch Missionary Committee, under the direction of the designated RS and EQ counselors, and task the committee with coming up with ways to engage more members in the gathering of Israel.
• SPLITS WITH THE MISSIONARIES: Involve everyone, especially Laurels and Priests, in pairing off and making home visits with the full-time missionaries.

• SOCIAL MEDIA: Teach everyone how to share the gospel on social media, such as Facebook, Instagram, etc.
• REGULAR FASTS: Invite members to include the “Gathering of Israel” in their fasting and prayers each month or on a regular basis.
• BE AWARE OF NEEDS: Have the ward or branch clerk generate an updated report each month identifying all new converts, move-ins, part-member families, “focus” families, etc. for the RS and EQ counselors to review regularly and assign members to help with fellowshipping and ministering contacts.
• SERVE AS GREETERS: Rotate assignments regularly for members to serve as greeters to sacrament meetings and classrooms so everyone becomes acquainted with everyone, especially those who are new or visiting.
• WARD HOME EVENINGS: Regularly (monthly?) assign a family to conduct a “Ward Family Home Evening” in their home for new members, returning members and others to build unity and demonstrate how weekly FHE are conducted.
• MORE ACTIVITIES: Organize regular (monthly?) ward or branch activities that provide members more opportunities to invite friends and build unity among members. Activities can be simple such as potlucks, ice cream socials, board game nights, etc.
• MISSIONARY MOMENTS: While “Missionary Moments” may not be appropriate at the beginning of our 2nd hour classes, encourage members to share their missionary successes and excitement in testimony meetings, on social media, via broadcast emails, etc.
• YOUR OWN IDEAS: Use the Ward Council or Missionary Coordination Meetings to brainstorm and come up with your own ideas on how to help everyone participate in the gathering of Israel...without pressure or guilt.

Thoughts on giving emphasis to the work of salvation in our stake

1 April 2019

Bishops and Branch Presidents,

The first paragraph of Handbook 2, Chapter 5 reads:

"Members of the Church of Jesus Christ are sent forth 'to labor in his vineyard for the salvation of the souls of men' (Doctrine and Covenants 138:56). This work of salvation includes member missionary work, convert retention, activation of less-active members, temple and family history work, and teaching the gospel. The bishopric directs this work in the ward, assisted by other members of the ward council.”

I have felt a desire for our stake to find ways for more members—not just leaders—to become engaged in the Lord’s work of salvation, as described in Chapter 5. Furthermore, I have felt the Brethren are trying to focus us on two of the key areas of this work: (1) member missionary work and (2) temple and family history work.

Attached are several documents that may help that happen in your ward or branch:

• A 6-page letter that was delivered today by High Councilors to your Elders Quorum and Relief Society presidents;

• A 2-page list of ideas on how to help more members become engaged in member missionary work;

• A 1-page list of ideas on how to help more members become engaged in temple and family history work.

These are NOT directives, but helps on how elders quorum presidencies, with the assistance of Relief Society presidencies, can more effectively fulfill their new responsibility, delegated by you, to take the lead in the ward or branch efforts in (1) member missionary work, and (2) temple and family history work.

Thank you for giving this your consideration as you discuss this as a ward council. Feel free to share this with your ward or branch council.

President Lewis and the Stake Presidency

A Letter to Relief Society & Elders Quorum Presidents

Dear…Presidents Newell and Hansen (D), Presidents Richards and Bevers (E),

            Presidents Glazier and Ellinger (MH-YSA), Presidents Brown and Araya (P),

            Presidents Paxson and Krein (PV), Presidents Smith and Hokanson (SR),

            Presidents Howes and Stephenson (TC), and Presidents Hall and Ricker (WH)…

Thank you for the outstanding work all of you are doing to embrace the many changes we’ve seen in the past 12 months and for shouldering so much new responsibility as Relief Society (RS) and Elders Quorum (EQ) presidents.

This is going to be a little different message than what you normally receive from me. I’m going to share with you more background than I normally do, even some personal feelings. I hope you’ll find it helpful.

FEEL NO OBLIGATION

Before I say any more, let me establish at the outset that even though I’m sharing this with you as your stake president, I DO NOT WANT YOU TO FEEL OBLIGATED to implement what I’m about to tell you. If it resonates with you, then run with it. If it’s too ambitious, please know I won’t be offended if you choose otherwise.

Each of us is seeking the Lord’s will in our callings and I believe there can be multiple approaches to moving forward His work within the guidance we’ve received.

ARE THE BRETHREN TRYING TO FOCUS US?

Over the past six months, I have felt a desire for us to focus our efforts in two key areas of the work of salvation—for several reasons:

·      President Nelson declares often that we are “to help gather Israel on both sides of the veil.”

·      On October 6, 2018, in what I consider a landmark announcement, the Brethren issued a policy authorizing the bishop to delegate responsibility to the elders quorum president for missionary work and temple and family history work.

·      In that same announcement, the elders quorum president was authorized to delegate those assignments to his counselors and for the Relief Society to “follow the pattern of the elders quorum,” with counselors assigned to the same areas.

All of this said to me the Brethren want us to focus on those two key areas of the work of salvation: (1) member missionary work and (2) temple and family history work.

WRESTLING WITH QUESTIONS

As background, I confess that for the past six months I have wrestled with how do we effectively implement the many policy changes coming from the Brethren and keep a focus on the work of salvation as directed in Handbook 2, chapter 5?

For instance:

·      How do we raise the stature of your counselors to feel the full weight of their new responsibility and authority, if delegated by those holding priesthood keys—the bishop and elders quorum president?

·      How do we help more sisters take a leadership role in these two key areas, which in the past have been considered solely priesthood duties?

·      How do we help more members feel engaged, even assume a level of ownership, of these two key areas of the work of salvation?

·      How do we raise the stature of the “new” ward temple and family history leader as well as the ward mission leader—the latter possibly feeling he’s been  “demoted” when he was removed as a permanent member of the ward council?

·      How do we make committees that many of you have already created effective and sustainable so they lighten the load on your presidencies, just as the ward councils have lifted a load from the bishoprics so they can focus on the youth?

These questions, and more, were answered in my mind while watching the RootsTech 2019 Leadership Training broadcast on February 28 with Elders Bednar, Renlund and Stevenson, of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles.

As you’ll recall they clarified, with more specifics than we’d seen before, how temple and family history work should be organized at the ward level. During that presentation, answers to my questions above came clearly to my mind as to how wards can focus on those two elements of the work of salvation so more members, possibly the entire ward, can become more engaged in one or both areas.

I immediately drafted what I saw in my mind and put it into the 4-page document, titled “Our Emphasis in the Work of Salvation,” which was delivered to you on March 3.

You likely noticed that I made a few deviations to what we saw in the Feb. 28 leadership presentation, which Elder Renlund suggested may be appropriate to do.

DEVIATIONS FOR YOUR CONSIDERATION

There were three major deviations that I felt would help us move forward the work even more effectively in our stake:

·      TWO WARD COMMITTEES: Under your direction and with the approval of the bishop and ward council, the elders quorum and the Relief Society would create a Ward Temple Family History Committee and a Ward Missionary Committee, each with members—possibly many members—from the Relief Society, the elders quorum and, with approval from the bishopric and parents, youth in the Young Men and Young Women programs.

·      COUNSELORS LEAD THE COMMITTEES: Both committees would be presided over by the elders quorum counselor (assisted by the Relief Society counselor), who would also conduct the committee meetings. The ward council would task both committees to develop a proposed ward plan consisting of no more than two or three targets or goals to accomplish that year.

·      IMPLEMENTING THE PLAN: The ward mission leader and the ward temple and family history leader would not oversee the committees nor conduct the committee meetings, but assume a role similar to an “executive director” to guide the implementation of the committee’s plan. These two leaders also would be responsible for conducting the regular coordination meetings—(1) the ward temple and family history leader meeting regularly with the ward temple and family history consultants and (2) the ward mission leader meeting weekly with the full-time and ward missionaries, as they do now.

How many would serve on these two committees? If it were practical, I wish every adult (and some youth) not in a major leadership calling would serve on one of these two committees so nearly every household is focused on one or both of these two areas of emphasis from the Brethren.

Of course, that’s not practical. But attached is a document describing how to make even a large committee effective in preparing and implementing a simple plan. Also attached are documents with ideas on how to involve members in both areas of emphasis that may be helpful in drafting or implementing each committee’s plan.

I realize this is ambitious. It goes beyond the guidance found in Handbook 2, chapter 5 (for instance, there is no reference to committees in the handbook). My hope is that it does not go beyond the spirit of the direction we’ve received from the Brethren and that it will be beneficial to you in your pondering and planning on how to fulfill your new responsibility (as delegated to you by the bishop or branch president) to oversee temple and family history work and member missionary work in your ward or branch.

President Lewis and the Stake Presidency

Making Even a Large Committee Effective

In 2018 when Melchizedek Priesthood holders were consolidated into one quorum and the Relief Society (RS) and Elders Quorum (EQ) began to coordinate ministering efforts, the creation of RS and EQ committees became a natural outgrowth.

Committees were encouraged because they: (1) help share the load of the RS and EQ presidencies; (2) allow more members to participate, even take ownership, in setting and meeting goals; (3) provide expanded opportunities for members to serve; and (4) give focus to the most important aspects of the work of salvation.

Committees can be effective and sustainable when they: (1) have a specific purpose or mission; (2) are led by those with authority; and (3) are accountable.

Therefore, the Mount Hood Stake Presidency makes the following recommendations with the hope that even more members will become engaged in the work of salvation (Handbook 2, Chapter 5) through a systematic approach to focusing our efforts.

TWO KEY COMMITTEES

If the Relief Society and Elders Quorum choose to organize committees, with approval of the bishop,we recommend that they give priority to creating two ward committees aligned with the two key elements of the work of salvation emphasized by the Brethren, namely Temple and Family History and Member Missionary. The committees would consist of members from the  Relief Society, elders quorum and, with the approval of the bishopric and parents, youth in the Young Men and Young Women.

We further recommend:

• Both committees be chaired by a counselor in the EQ presidency, assisted by a counselor in the RS presidency;

• The EQ counselor (assisted by the RS counselor) conducts regular committee meetings, maybe quarterly, and assign the ward temple and family history leader and ward mission leader to conduct the regular coordinating meetings as needed, preferably weekly for the missionary coordinating meeting, as they do now;

• The committee meetings are held at a time other than immediately after Sunday services and can be conducted in person or via teleconference (brief coordinating meetings may be held after Sunday services);
  
• The ward council, under the bishop’s direction, tasks the committees with: (1) creating a proposed ward (branch) plan and, once approved, (2) executing the plan.

COORDINATING MEETINGS

Using the approved plan as a guide and under the direction of the committee chair, the Ward Mission Leader (WML) and Ward Temple and Family History Leader (TFHL) should be    assigned to conduct more frequent coordinating meetings with a few key committee members, specifically ward and full-time missionaries with the WML; and ward temple and family history consultants with the TFHL.

HOW TO SIMPLIFY AND FOCUS A LARGE COMMITTEE

Involving as many members as possible in these two committees is a wonderful way to help more members take ownership of these two key areas of the work of salvation in the ward or branch. But a large committee also can be unwieldy and therefore ineffective.

Here is an idea on how to help a large committee to become effective:

• First, the committee drafts a plan, preferably a very simple plan with no more than two or  three targets or goals for the year;

• Second, they submit the plan to the bishop and ward council for approval;

• Once a plan is approved, they divide their committee into two or three smaller sub-committees each tasked with working on one element of the committee’s plan.

THE POWER OF SUB-COMMITTEES THAT MATCH THE PLAN

For instance, let’s say the Ward Missionary Committee comes up with the following Ward Mission Plan that is approved by the bishop and ward council:

1. Encourage all members to invite someone to quarterly Invitation Sundays in 2019.
2. Have a member participate in 80% of all lessons taught by the full-time missionaries.
3. Hold a quarterly activity for members to invite friends to attend with them.

Now that the Mission Plan is in place, the RS and EQ counselors organize two or three sub-committees—one for each of the three goals listed above.

For the theoretical Mission Plan above, for example, the sub-committees might be:

1. Invitation sub-committee
2. Lesson Support sub-committee
3. Activity sub-committee

The sub-committees would be tasked with creating their own, simple plan, such as:

1. Invitation sub-committee plan
1. Coordinate with the bishopric and then promote four Invitation Sundays in the year
2. Use the full-time and ward missionaries to encourage members and teach them how to invite their friends to attend worship services or an activity
3. Coordinate with the Activity sub-committee and encourage inviting friends to these events
   
2. Lesson Support sub-committee plan
1. Create a “pool” of members (especially ward missionaries) who are willing and able to attend missionary lessons and who could be called on fairly short notice at different times of the day
2. Teach members in this “pool” about their role as a member when attending a missionary lesson and how to help with the fellowshipping of the investigator

3. Activity sub-committee plan
1. Organize simple, maybe even small, gatherings—like a potluck in someone’s home—to which  members can invite friends to attend with them
2. Develop ideas for other organizations in the ward, like Primary or YMYW, on activities that are especially good for inviting friends to participate

Ideas for a Ward Temple and Family History Plan might include:

• Involving 10- and 11-year-old children in family history work
• Helping youth and new converts obtain limited-use recommends to attend the temple
• Encouraging members to enter 4 generations of their family tree on FamilySearch.org
• Inspiring members to attend the temple more often without establishing a quota
• Encouraging all members to download and use the Family Tree app

The sub-committees would meet as often as they feel is needed to accomplish their plan

Once sub-committees are functioning it means the overall committee only needs to meet occasionally (maybe quarterly or less). And committee meetings can be relatively brief—maybe as  brief as 30 minutes, long enough for each sub-committee to report progress on their part of the plan and to discuss any new directions or assignments the committee may want to consider.

In the end, working through these committees, the hope is that (1) we can involve more members than ever before in the work of salvation, (2) move forward the work with greater focus, and (3) yet not burden members with too many extra meetings.