The following is an email interchange with Jennifer Miller, of the Powell Valley Ward, who has consistently been offended by the temple ceremony. She wrote me an unsolicited email sharing her feelings. I am including my responses.
FROM JENNIFER:
Dear President Lewis,
I've been thinking about the beliefs of the LDS Church and how they shape me as a person. One belief that has made sense to me and seems very special is eternal growth and the idea that we can become like God. That idea is one that gave me much hope until I pondered on the covenants I made in the temple. Try as I might, I cannot reconcile the fact that Herb and I made different covenants. He promised to obey God and I promised to obey him. I realized today that the last covenant I made directly with God was when I was 8 years old. My experience in the temple has made me see that God doesn't want me to covenant with him anymore.
The most sacred place in Mormonism teaches me that I will never be able to achieve what my husband can. I will never be able to perform a miracle by blessing someone like Christ did, but my husband possibly could. I will never be able to perform an ordinance that is bound in heaven. Any Godly power I experience will be through my husband or through another male. My understanding is that my husband will use his priesthood power to resurrect his family. Miraculous things I will never experience. I can never truly become like God. Although Mormonism taught me that I have a Mother in Heaven, the temple teaches me that she has no power. Her entire existence is to serve her husband - to be a Priestess and Queen to him - just as mine is.
The temple has taught me that the Gospel I learned in church meetings is not the real Gospel that Mormons believe in. One must make on-the-spot covenants in the temple to find out what the Church really believes. After 28 years, I am finally crushed. No matter what I do, no matter how faithful I am, no matter how much I love the Savior, I will never get to have the eternity I desire. I will never be a person equal in power and standing as a man. Years ago I spoke to you about changes I saw that need to happen in the Church for women. They don't seem important anymore. Why try to change something as insignificant as being able to audit Church finances or be a Sunday School President, when the eternities will be limiting for me anyway.
I believe that through Christ, all people can become perfect. Although the New Testament is written from the male perspective, I cling to the few examples we have of Christ's love for others. Everyone, regardless of gender, race, political views, ethnicity, etc. were equal in His sight. Even though He only called men to be His apostles, there is no teaching that I can find where He prepares women for a role of eternal service to God through men. This truth is what saves me from despair that there is no eternal happiness for me. The Mormon teaching of Heaven is one that makes me feel limited, held back, and secondary. It is not something I want. It is not something I'm willing to spend this precious earthly existence working for.
I have no idea why I'm telling you all of this except that you're the Stake President and I am a member under your leadership. There's nothing I expect you to do or say. I guess I just want you to know why I don't believe the way you do anymore.
FROM CRISMON:
Dear Jennifer,
Thank you for sharing your feelings. I don’t know that I can say anything that will change your feelings, but I do want you to know that there is another way of looking at those things that concern you about Church doctrine.
It’s as if you and I are looking at the same thing and seeing something totally different. I don’t know if this fits, but do you remember when the Mormon pop violinist Lindsay Stirling showed up at the Oscars or the Billboard Awards or some red-carpet event in what appeared to be a totally revealing dress? Many of her fans (LDS especially) were shocked that this returned missionary would parade in front of the public in such a dress. Others, who looked closer, realized that her dress was one of the most modest at the event because everything that appeared to be revealing was flesh-colored fabric.
Sometimes we see what we want to see.
Again, I don’t know if that’s a very good example, but you and I look at the temple through totally different lens. You see exclusion. I see inclusion.
First, if I’ve ever wondered if women use the priesthood, it’s only in the temple do we see women performing sacred ordinances, including laying on of hands identical to the men. Granted, women aren’t ordained to offices, but they’re using priesthood authority to bless and perform ordinances for other women.
I realize the covenant you reference is a stickler for you. I don’t fully understand why the Lord has women make a covenant with him through a man, but I trust some day we’ll understand. All I know is that the end result is the same. A covenant of obedience is made and it is a conditional covenant upon the husband being completely obedient and righteous. Is that not what women truly want most in a husband? Instead of a put-down of women, to me it says, “Men, you’d better be righteous otherwise you’re not the only one affected by your choices."
Finally, that one covenant is the only one in which the woman does not make directly with God. With all the other covenants men and women make the same identical covenant in the same identical way. There is absolutely no distinction.
The way I look at it, the covenants in the temple are in a progression reaching to the highest, most magnificent covenant and promises at the end of the endowment ceremony. If God wanted to slight women, he would have made the last covenant the one that she makes through a man, not the first. But He doesn’t. You and I make the same final covenant in the exact same way.
Furthermore, the highest of all covenants is made over the altar in the sealing ceremony. Again, there is no hint in this ceremony that the woman is to be less or subservient to the man.
You may find interesting, but one day while in the temple Vivienne and I compared the wording of the initiatory ordinances—the one for males, the other for females. I was surprised to discover there are a few slight differences and in my opinion, based on what she shared with me, the women get the better “deal.”
Jennifer, you have a right to your opinion, but please do not insist that it’s the way it is. To me, the temple endowment is a most remarkable instruction in which God shows those, who are willing to make covenants with him through the saving ordinances of baptism (and sacrament) and confirmation…He shows them the “rest of the story.” He literally shows all of us, regardless of gender, how to return to God’s presence so that we can not only live with Him but be like Him. Man cannot get there without the woman and the woman cannot get there without the man. That’s how much He cherishes the separate but very equal roles of man and woman in His glorious plan.
I hope this is helpful in at least letting you know that you and I see the same thing in the temple and walk away with a totally different perspective.
Thanks again for sharing your feelings.
FROM JENNIFER:
Thank you for sharing your thoughts, President Lewis. I know that you (and others who love the temple) see the temple differently than I do. I think it comes down to this: what bothers me just doesn't bother you. The fact that women perform one ordinance in the temple under the authority of the temple president doesn't make up for the fact that we still don't actually hold the priesthood. We can not bless our own children in the way that men can. When I'm feeling especially open minded, I can see how God in His divine wisdom could make all that seems unequal perfectly fair. Thankfully, I don't believe that equality and self-worth need to mean that people all have to be the same. I would love to feel the way you and your wife do about the temple, but I just can't make it work in my head or my heart. Maybe someday I will, and I can make covenants with God again in my heart because I understand what I'm promising to do. Until then, I'm not going to live my life by promises I made in the temple that I didn't understand I was making at the time.
I didn't fully understand what you meant by this sentence,"The way I look at it, the covenants in the temple are in a progression reaching to the highest, most magnificent covenant and promises at the end of the endowment ceremony. If God wanted to slight women, he would have made the last covenant the one that she makes through a man, not the first. But He doesn’t. You and I make the same final covenant in the exact same way." Can you elaborate?
The other issue I have is the teaching of polygamy that is supported in the temple. Men receive and women give and receive. It just doesn't like like Heaven to me. It doesn't sound like women and men enter into an equal relationship. It sounds like one more thing I'm supposed to accept as a woman because God loves me and is somehow going to change me so that I don't mind.
I do appreciate you sharing your perspective. Maybe I'll hear something that sheds light on teachings that don't sit well with me.
FROM CRISMON:
Some thoughts below in caps…
Thank you for sharing your thoughts, President Lewis. I know that you (and others who love the temple) see the temple differently than I do. I think it comes down to this: what bothers me just doesn't bother you. The fact that women perform one ordinance in the temple under the authority of the temple president doesn't make up for the fact that we still don't actually hold the priesthood. We can not bless our own children in the way that men can. When I'm feeling especially open minded, I can see how God in His divine wisdom could make all that seems unequal perfectly fair. Thankfully, I don't believe that equality and self-worth need to mean that people all have to be the same. I would love to feel the way you and your wife do about the temple, but I just can't make it work in my head or my heart. Maybe someday I will, and I can make covenants with God again in my heart because I understand what I'm promising to do. Until then, I'm not going to live my life by promises I made in the temple that I didn't understand I was making at the time.
RECOGNIZING THE COVENANTS MADE IN THE TEMPLE ARE SIMPLY WONDERFUL WAYS TO LIVE A LIFE, PLEASE DON’T ESCHEW THEM JUST BECAUSE THEY CAME FROM THE TEMPLE. TRUTH IS TRUTH AND LIVING THE LAWS AND ORDINANCES TAUGHT IN THE TEMPLE IS SIMPLY PRUDENT LIVING TO SAY NOTHING ABOUT THE PROMISES ATTACHED TO THEM.
I didn't fully understand what you meant by this sentence,"The way I look at it, the covenants in the temple are in a progression reaching to the highest, most magnificent covenant and promises at the end of the endowment ceremony. If God wanted to slight women, he would have made the last covenant the one that she makes through a man, not the first. But He doesn’t. You and I make the same final covenant in the exact same way." Can you elaborate?
AS YOU MAY REMEMBER, THERE ARE 5 LAWS TAUGHT AND 5 COVENANTS MADE DURING THE ENDOWMENT CEREMONY. THE COVENANT YOU REFERENCED IS SIMPLY THE FIRST OF THE 5. I WAS JUST TRYING TO MAKE THE POINT THAT THE OTHER FOUR “HIGHER” LAWS AND COVENANTS ARE MADE BY BOTH GENDERS EXACTLY THE SAME WAY AND WITH THE SAME PROMISES. TO ME THE 5TH LAW AND COVENANT IS THE MOST POWERFUL AS IT HELPS US UNDERSTAND THAT THE ORDINANCES OF THE TEMPLE REACH DOWN INTO THE GENERATIONS AND BLESSES OUR POSTERITY….HENCE ONE OF THE MOST IMPORTANT REASONS OF GOING TO THE TEMPLE.
The other issue I have is the teaching of polygamy that is supported in the temple. Men receive and women give and receive. It just doesn't like like Heaven to me. It doesn't sound like women and men enter into an equal relationship. It sounds like one more thing I'm supposed to accept as a woman because God loves me and is somehow going to change me so that I don't mind.
I DON’T KNOW THE REASON FOR POLYGAMY, THOUGH WE MAY GET A HINT IN JACOB 2:30. I’M SURE YOU’VE HEARD THIS ONE BEFORE AND I DON’T KNOW IF IT’S TRUE OR NOT, BUT IT STANDS TO REASON THAT IF…
…A MAN CANNOT ATTAIN EXALTATION WITHOUT A RIGHTEOUS WOMAN AT HIS SIDE (WIFE); AND IF…
…A WOMAN CANNOT ATTAIN EXALTATION WITHOUT A RIGHTEOUS MAN AT HER SIDE (HUSBAND)…
THEN THE DOCTRINE OF PLURAL MARRIAGE TELLS ME THAT THERE ARE GOING TO BE MORE WOMEN THAN MEN WORTHY TO ATTAIN EXALTATION, WHICH SHOULDN’T SURPRISE US AS WE LOOK AROUND AT THE CHURCH DEMOGRAPHICS AND MANY FAMILIES TODAY BOTH IN AND OUT OF THE CHURCH.
THAT, OF COURSE, IS JUST MY SUSPICION. IN OTHER WORDS, IT’S NOT A DOCTRINE SO MEN CAN HAVE A SEXUAL FREE-FOR-ALL, BUT IT’S A DOCTRINE TO PROVIDE A WAY FOR ALL WOMEN TO RECEIVE ALL THE PROMISED BLESSINGS OF EXALTATION.
SO HOPE THIS HELPS IN SOME SMALL WAY.
FROM JENNIFER: I'll think about the things you've shared. Thank you.
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