Update on Duraye after losing her job

Dear family,

I’m sorry to report that Duraye has lost her job. Or more accurately left her job this week.

She knows that many, if not all, of us are shaking our heads thinking, “Not again! Can’t she keep a job?!” Believe me she feels horrible about this and, after coming so close to getting on her feet financially, to be in this position again is devastating to her, too. 

I don’t know all the details and everything I do get is from her perspective. In short, she was doing very well in the company. She liked them and they, by all appearances, liked her ver much. But last week her company (an investment firm) abruptly got investigated by law enforcement, apparently due to a complaint by two disgruntled former employees. While Duraye said she felt the owner was completely honest and never saw any evidence of fraudulent practices, she felt an obligation to her clients (investors) and both she and her sales manager felt they could no longer represent the company in good conscience with the cloud of an investigation hanging over it. They both resigned along other employees (for all I know they were laid off). She said the company went from 20 to 5 employees overnight. It was a tough decision because she was on the brink of some very lucrative bonuses, but those were lost when she, in good conscience, chose to notify her clients of the investigation.

She feels horrible. not only because she has to find another job but she knows how this makes her appear to the family.

To her credit and much to her own satisfaction, she was able to cover all her expenses for November and even December, including the past-due debt payments. So she was working hard to get on her feet and out from family assistance.

She still has her part-time (contract labor) job at Ann Taylor’s apparel store in the Scottsdale Mall and would work more hours, but because her manager brought on so many part-time workers (wanting extra $$ for the holiday season) it’s difficult for Duraye to get extra hours even though she now has time.

Also, Duraye leaves this Thursday for Utah to spend Christmas with her daughters. We’re so happy for her and, while it may not be a mutual feeling, from Duraye’s perspective her relationship with Olivia is significantly better. So she’s looking forward to this trip and we’re hopeful it will be a bonding and joyful visit for her…and a needed break to be with her family.

So here’s where we stand…

The “financial crisis” has put us back in touch a little more often (not always Duraye’s doing; we’ve been extra busy, too, with family, church, holidays, etc.), maybe a silver lining to it all. 

Thank you for understanding that I can’t give you the assurance that Duraye is doing significantly better in every area of her life or that this “revolving door” of financial issues won’t happen again. But in the end, we’re still her family. And we’re better off working together than separately in trying to help her along this painful path. 

I hope it’s some consolation to share my personal feelings that she is not wrestling with addictions of the past nor do I sense she has a boyfriend.

In fact, she mentioned to me in passing last week (maybe a “set up” comment, I don’t know), but that she was driving to work one day last week and thinking how wonderful her life was now. She said she hardly thinks of Mike any more, that she has a nice apartment, a solid job, and family that loves and is willing to help her. It was one of the first times I’ve heard joy in her voice. It thrilled me to know she had experienced some happiness.

Of course, there was a “but…” to the conversation. She then proceeded to unfold the sad events causing her to question her employer’s integrity and thus the health and longevity of the company that led to her resignation.

So while she’s in desperate need again, I really sensed that part of her joy came from being self-sufficient financially. She was confident again and was so happy that she had been able to cover all the expenses on her own in November, including past-due debt payments.

Furthermore, she is able to cover ALL of her expenses (both past debt and current living expenses) through December. But come January 1, unless she finds a full-time job during the holidays (very unlikely), her sole income will be about $500 per month from her retail part-time job. Sadly there’s no full-time option at Ann Taylor because most of their employees are contract labor (part-time) to avoid benefits and because standing for so long is brutal on her feet and legs. She has to spread out her shifts just to buy time to recover.

So now, for the first time and recognizing that I must come to the family for a sizable contribution, I’m going to share detailed numbers with you. I’ve not done so in the past because there are a few expenses or even fines from her “past life” that are very embarrassing to her. I can tell by how she asks each time if all of you will be seeing these numbers. It’s obvious it’s very shameful to her. I explained that I only send totals.

But I feel it’s important for you to know more details so you can decide if you want to continue to “invest” in our proposal to help Duraye. I have blocked out some of the information that would embarrass her. I have no desire to shame her, but you deserve more details.

So you’ll find two spreadsheets attached. I use both of these with her to help her keep on track in paying past debts and recognize that she doesn’t have any “surplus” to spend frivolously. 

For those who don’t want to go over all the details, here’s the bottom line:

Duraye has $1,256.67 in her check book right now. As you’ll see on page two of the “Duraye Assistance for Jan 2017” document that it is all earmarked in detail for debt and monthly fixed expenses with $75 left for food and other living expenses.

So she’s good through December. Here’s where she needs our help:

As you can see in the same document, Duraye has $4,045 in past-due obligations that she negotiated down from nearly $8,000. We have negotiated monthly payments that total $690.40 per month.

Her fixed living expenses total about $1,625 per month, including the $950 rent payments we’ve been making.

She has around $370 per month in non-fixed living expenses (groceries, personal items, auto fuel, etc.).

I suggested that she devote the $500 she gets from her retail job toward her monthly living expenses.

That means as a family, until she can get work, we would be willing to help her with the balance…trusting that she will get some type of second job (hopefully full-time) before January is over. She is working hard right now to find work.

The balance totals:

$690 Debt payments

$1,625 Fixed living expenses…for a total of…

$2,315

Fortunately, we had a surplus of $451.26 of family contributions that were not needed for December’s rent because Duraye paid nearly half of the rent for that month.

So our true contribution is:

$2,315 Needed

-    451 Surplus

$1,864 Total needed for January

While this is twice what we originally agreed to ($50-$100 per family), as you can see in the “Duraye Pay Timeline Jan 2017 - B” (B means blacked out version) not all of her bills are due at the first of the month. So if she can secure work sooner, hopefully some of those later bills will be paid by her.

So I’m asking for those who feel they can contribute (and please know we fully understand if she’s worn out her welcome to your generosity), that we contribute $300 or more per family this month. For some, $50-$100 is a stretch and please know everything and anything is appreciated and will be adequate. We're so sorry to ask for funds especially around Christmas. But the end of the month is near and we felt it important that you know now and can plan accordingly, if you can help.

We grow weary of this, too, but we want you to know we have not lost faith in our sister...that she wants a happier life and is making a sincere effort to achieve it. It would be doubly difficult if she wasn’t grateful. But she is VERY grateful. And so are we.

Love,

Crismon & Vivienne

Historic day on Dec. 11, 2016 with the creation of the new Pioneer Branch (Spanish) in our stake

Dear Mount Hood Stake Members,

Today, Dec. 11, was historic in our stake.

The new Pioneer Branch (Spanish) for Spanish-speaking members in our stake was officially created with the following called into the Pioneer Branch Presidency:

Carlos H. Ibarra, of the Sandy River Ward, as President; with

Miguel (Mike) A. De Leon, of the Walters Hill Ward, as First Counselor; and 

Cody M. Garrison, of the Evergreen Ward (Gresham Stake), as Second Counselor.

Also sustained were:

Brian L. Allen, of the Damascus Ward, as Branch Clerk;

Craig N. Dobson, of the Sandy River Ward, as Branch Elders Quorum President; with

Margarito (Morgan) Ortiz, of the Walters Hill Ward, as First Counselor.

The Pioneer Branch will continue to meet with the Sandy River Ward through the rest of December. On January 1, 2017, the branch will move to the stake center in Boring where they will overlap with the Damascus Ward, beginning their block meetings at 2:20 pm for second and third hour classes followed by sacrament meeting at 4:10 pm.

We cannot express enough our gratitude to the many in our stake who made this possible:

• The many members and leaders of the Sandy River Ward, who have nurtured this fledgling group of Spanish-speaking members for the past two years;

• The bishoprics, who have encouraged their ward members to accept branch leadership opportunities; and

• The families, who have accepted a “mission call” to attend the branch leaving long-time friendships in their home ward to support the new branch.

We trust the Lord will honor the sacrifice of all who have made today’s proceedings possible. 

We now invite everyone to join with us in praying for the branch’s success in reaching and blessing even more of Heavenly Father’s children in the coming years.

With love and heartfelt appreciation,

The Stake Presidency

Helping a young man, who came home from his mission without honor

Bishop Miller and Brother (name withheld)…

In response to your inquiry as to whether his son can sing in the ward choir, let me see if we can address this in another way so we don’t become “policemen” having to address every question as to what he can and can’t do? All are valid questions, by the way, but let me see if we can set some foundation to help us…and especially him…in deciding how we go forward from here.

I’m sorry to be so directive in this, but it is a serious matter involving an endowed Melchizedek Priesthood holder while serving as a set apart missionary for the Lord. I, too, want only to make the right decisions here to help and, frankly, this is relatively new territory for me, too.

The bottom line is that he should be excommunicated (and may yet be depending on his response to our efforts to help him) for months of deceit, breaking temple covenants and contributing to the possible destruction of a young girl’s future, unless she repents (yes, it was consensual but it was still an adult-minor relationship that cannot be ignored). If I’m not mistaken, in some places in the US it’s considered a form of rape.

In the end, we are talking about a total disregard for both the Lord’s sacred Law of Chastity and Law of Consecration. Because of his upbringing and example in his home, there should be no question as to his level of understanding of those two laws.

So for now, until we can decide the formalities, please hold him accountable for these actions, as if he were excommunicated, even though we do not want to shame him or suggest he cannot repent. But it’s important that he come to realize the gravity of his sins and the level of offense it was to God. So he must be denied the privileges of membership without feeling ostracized, which can be a delicate balance. Fortunately, he has the support of a very loving and caring family, who are going to stand by him and help him in this journey. So will his bishop and stake president, as long as he will allow us to do so by showing a sincere desire to do whatever is asked of him to receive the Lord’s forgiveness.

Therefore in an “excommunicated” status, he is not to participate in classes, say public prayers, speak in meetings, use his priesthood, serve in callings and participate in ordinances. He is to wear his garments (those excommunicated cannot), attend church meetings (including priesthood quorum meeting) and to do everything he can to draw closer to the Lord in his personal life. While excommunicated members can sing in choirs, just like a non-member, singing in the choir puts him up front and subtly says to the congregation all is well, when he has broken trust with his fellow members (who also made covenants), to say nothing of the trust broken with family, his priesthood leaders and the Lord.

We have agreed to allow him to speak in the Damascus Ward sacrament meeting and to report to the Stake High Council this Sunday in order to avoid public shame that would occur by his absence. But even there he needs to understand that he was allowed to do those two things, not because he is worthy or deserving, but simply to offer some semblance of protection from public shame while he decides if he’s going to make a sincere effort to give the Lord the year he owes Him.

While we desperately want him to feel loved, wanted and needed, as with any excommunicated member, until he shows true contrition by seriously working with us, his parents and, especially, the Lord in creating a plan of repentance that he commits to follow. then he should not expect to serve or enjoy the blessings and benefits of membership in hopes that the denial will help him appreciate the seriousness of covenants, the consequences of breaking them, and the blessings that come from keeping them.

I’m sorry to ask this. But we must remember the balance between justice and mercy. Mercy is waiting for him to begin to turn to the Lord with all of his heart wanting to do whatever it takes to become a different person, to have a new heart and pure desires. It means his parents will begin to see a different young man in the way he lives his life each day, i.e. devotion to scripture study, prayers, cleaning his room, using his time wisely, participating only in wholesome and uplifting entertainment, respect for parents and other family members, desiring only to be with good friends, seeking to help others (especially less fortunate) before concerning himself about his life and his future, etc.

Until then, justice must be answered.

I hope this helps. I apologize for going on so long.

I admire and respect you both and welcome your counsel in this very painful matter for all of us. Please forgive me if I have come across too harshly. I don’t want to forget that he is still a young man and, obviously, in some respects just a boy. So feel free to respond and help make sure I don’t allow my own hurt or disgust cause an imbalance in my judgment.

Gratefully,

President Lewis

Addressing hair coloring concerns for a temple worker in our stake

President Lundgreen,

Thank you for bringing to my attention your concerns about Leslie Hatton, of the Damascus Ward, and her hair coloring as a temple worker.

I can understand your concern as to how hair coloring can distract patrons. I visited personally with Leslie and was surprised to see that the coloring is hardly noticeable and, depending on how she combs her hair, it’s not visible at all.

You can see why she’s dug in her heels a bit over the matter inasmuch as her coloring apparently was not an issue with the previous temple presidency (or at least that we’re aware of) and now it’s one—significant enough to jeopardize her calling if she doesn’t conform. In my opinion, it’s one of those issues that we sometimes face with teenagers, who show a little “wild streak” in their dress. If we don’t react, it eventually goes away. If we react, it becomes “World War III” and eventually there are casualties.

I also understand, though, that standards are important, especially for those who serve in the House of the Lord.

Thank you for wanting to address this with Leslie's spiritual and emotional well-being in mind; especially in light of the fact that she seems to have been a very devoted ordinance worker over the past two years and has willingly and frequently substituted for other workers.

My recommendation is that you simply put her on a form of “probation” requiring her to always conceal the colored portions of her hair while serving in the temple. I believe she can do that with a few hair pins. 

If, however, you feel it is significant enough and, understandably, you don’t want to have to monitor or “police” her, then I am happy to submit the recommendation that she be released. She has had a wonderful experience serving in the temple. It has blessed her tremendously. She’ll be fine in accepting a release.

I hope this helps. If there’s anything more you’d like me to do, I’m happy to do whatever I can to help resolve this matter amicably.

We so appreciate your leadership in the temple and are thrilled about the new temple presidency. You are all mighty men and faithful matrons serving diligently in blessing all of us to enjoy the magnificent blessings of the temple. It is a joy to serve with you.

Crismon Lewis

President, Mount Hood Stake

Will you help us implement the Self-Reliance Initiative in our stake?

Dear Brothers and Sisters,

If you’re receiving this email, you have been selected by the stake presidency to help us launch a new initiative in our stake.

Actually, our stake has been chosen to help “pilot” or implement the Church’s Self-Reliance Initiative that has proven to be extremely successful internationally and now is being introduced in North America.

In short, it’s a very exciting plan that shows members how to implement key self-reliance principles so they can live a more abundant life—both temporally and spiritually. The results have been most remarkable!

A key factor in the success of this initiative is a facilitator working with small groups. That’s where you come in. You have been chosen by the stake presidency as one whom we feel would fulfill this assignment very well because of your understanding of effective teaching. 

But as you can see in this video https://www.lds.org/media-library/video/2014-06-2070-how-to-facilitate-a-group?lang=eng&category=group-facilitator we’re looking for facilitators, who teach by involving others in the discovery process—not by instruction.

There is a commitment as a facilitator. For instance, it includes a weekly commitment to meet with a small group of 8-12 stake members and guide them through a 12-week course. We may be able to have more than one facilitator per group or you may find you can select and train a member of your group to serve as the facilitator to allow you flexibility in your time commitment.

We are not asking for such a commitment right now. Instead we are simply creating a “pool” of potential facilitators. So we’re asking you to please join us at a special Self-Reliance Initiative Introductory meeting this Tuesday, Dec 6, at 7:00 pm in the High Council room to learn more about the initiative and how it will be implemented in our stake. We will then contact you individually to determine your interest and availability.

We realize this is very late notice so please do not feel guilty if you cannot attend the meeting this Tuesday. But we wanted to give you, and as many others as possible, first exposure to what this is, how it works and how we believe it will dramatically impact lives in our stake. So we appreciate your attendance, if you’re available.

We would appreciate you replying to this email and telling us whether or not you can attend the meeting this Tuesday, Dec 6, at 7:00 pm.

Thank you for your devotion to the Lord and for dedicating your talents to bless others. We hope you’ll find this a very fulfilling and rewarding opportunity, if you’re able to accept this assignment.

Gratefully,

President Crismon S. Lewis

President Paul S. Hansen

President Steven C. Christiansen