Dear (parents),
Thank you for writing. If it were my son, I would be writing the same email to the stake president. So please know that I don’t fault you for writing from your heart on behalf of your son.
I’m so grateful that you’re beginning to see your son emerge again. He is a great young man and has a bright future no matter how this is resolved. As you mentioned to me, James, thankfully we’re addressing this now and not 10 or 20 years later.
I, too, wish this had been handled in the mission field and that all of us would have been made known to us prior to his return. I was so taken back by the word I received from the mission president just hours before (your son's) arrival that I was reluctant to even mention it to you until I heard it from (him) personally. Then with (his younger brother) in the room and not knowing how open (he) would be with you, I did not say anything until he had a chance to to visit with you both in confidence.
To your family’s credit, you have responded in a most amazing way. I can’t thank you enough for the admirable example you’ve shown through all of this.
While any missionary coming home with an unresolved serious transgression is a “gut punch” to all of us, especially the parents, the repetitive nature of (his) actions and his resolve to keep it from his mission president for all those months until the last minute is what takes this to a new level. I believe that is one of the reasons the Missionary Department directed me to handle this with a stake council.
In response to your question, can we hold a modified version of a stake council? I wish there was a way, too, but I’ve never seen it happen nor do I see any latitude in the Handbook.
Having said that, I remind you of a recent Disciplinary Council that you served on. I have tried to stay close to that brother, as a dear friend. In fact, I just met last Sunday with him and his wife. Among other things, he expressed gratitude as to how confidential his disciplinary action has remained even though he had served in some very prominent leadership positions, as you know. In other words, there is no hint that the word has leaked out. The brethren on the council have been true to their calling.
As I look around the table in my mind’s eye, I believe every man on the council is a father of a son. Their hearts will bleed for you both, as mine does. They know how painful this must be for you. I believe they will treat this as they would want to be treated if they were in your position—with total confidentiality. I don’t believe your son will come from this with a scarlet letter unless he chooses to divulge it to friends. I truly hope he won’t. I hope you’ll help (him) understand the importance of confidentiality. Where he has been so open with his siblings it raises the risk of others learning. There will also be the temptation for (him) to seek pity or sympathy from friends by sharing what has happened, which is always a risk when someone so young is involved. That is one of the many reasons I’m so grateful that he has you as his parents. I don’t know how long the repentance process will take, but (your son) will need the loving, guiding hands of faithful, compassionate parents like you. He is truly blessed to have you both there for him in this difficult hour and the months ahead.
I hope I have responded to your valid and impassioned plea. I love you both and shudder to think if the Stake Presidency and High Council were placed in this position by a returning missionary without a faithful family's love and compassion as (your son) has. I have faith the Lord’s will will be made known to us so (your son), you and his priesthood leaders will know definitely how to help (him) on this path to becoming whole and clean again. I’m confident (your son) will weather this and, not unlike Peter who denied the Savior three times and wept bitterly for it, (he) will rise to be a greater man and an instrument in the Lord’s hands down the road, if he will cling to you and follow your guidance.
With love and admiration for you both,
Crismon
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