Dear family,
It seems that each of you have learned, one way or another, that a disciplinary council was conducted this evening for Brett in the Portland Stake.
As you may be aware, such councils are supposed to be VERY confidential. Technically none of us should have known, even though your sister was asked to appear as a witness.
It became “public” of sorts when Brett, who was invited to participate by the stake president, texted some of his family members, including a close first cousin, and told them his stake was holding such a council and that he didn’t plan to attend (he did not attend). Brett has told Vivienne that because he (Brett) has not received personal revelation confirming the inspired conclusions the stake president reached about his (Brett’s) behavior that merits a disciplinary council, then the stake president must be misguided. So Brett feels the council is a sham and should be disregarded.
We don’t believe the council was held because Brett and Vivienne are divorcing, but because of his abusive actions in their marriage especially while Brett was serving in a significant priesthood leadership capacity.
However, we know you want to know what happened tonight. We’ll tell you what we know from mother’s perspective and then ask that we not speculate or seek a final disposition. Again, this is all supposed to be extremely confidential and so we need to be careful we don’t ask too many questions.
Vivienne appeared before the disciplinary council this evening (stake presidency and high council) for about an hour. Needless to say it’s extremely intimidating for anyone to be brought into such a setting. Vivienne later said, “I felt the family’s prayers and love for me during the whole thing.” So thank you!
Vivienne was allowed to invite mother to be with her. Mother sat next to her at the end of the high council table as Vivienne responded to questions about the marriage and what happened over the years.
Mother said Vivienne was amazing! She was extremely credible, not attacking Brett but just explaining—sometimes in detail—how he abused her mentally, emotionally, spiritually, financially and tragically sexually. Mother said several in the room wept or fought tears. Mother was also asked to share her observations, which she did at the end.
Overall it was, as it’s supposed to be, a “council of love.” There was no attacking or criticizing, but just an open discussion as to what has happened over the past 10 of their 13 years of marriage. Brett and Vivienne’s bishop was also invited to share after Vivienne and mother were excused. They were not privy to his “testimony,” but he was only in the council for about 15 minutes. They were all excused after that.
Typically, after listening to testimony, the stake president invites those serving on the council to share observations and feelings. After that the stake presidency adjourns to the president’s office where they discuss their feelings and then, if they come to a consensus (among the three), they then present their decision to the Lord in prayer for confirmation or the president may ask each of the three to offer a prayer as they seek the Lord’s guidance.
A judgment is reached (the stake president having the final say) and taken back into the high council room where high councilors are asked to sustain the decision. The “defendant” is then brought back into the room where the decision is rendered to him (or her) and, for lack of a better explanation, "terms of repentance" are given. Later the stake president writes a letter describing again the “terms of repentance” (expectations of the person before he or she is brought back into full fellowship or even full membership again).
So there’s a decent chance we’ll never know what the decision was tonight. It would not be out of the question if the stake president calls Vivienne tomorrow to tell her the outcome and then adds, “But you are not to tell anyone.”
Even though he didn’t attend, Brett also needs to be informed of the decision. There’s a chance he’ll “broadcast” it to his family and if it gets back to us that way (several still communicate with Vivienne) we may share it with you.
In the meantime, know that the council is over and Vivienne is moving on. We’re sorry we can’t give you more details or even the final outcome. But know that your prayers on Vivienne’s behalf were much needed and most helpful to her. Mother could not say enough how very proud she was of Vivienne in such an intimidating situation.
One more thing…prior to the council meeting, the stake president asked Vivienne to write down all the abuse incidences she could remember. She later submitted to the stake president a 9-page document, single spaced, detailing the many ways and the many times Brett had used abusive tactics to break down Vivienne’s self-worth and convince her she was the abuser and that she alone was the cause of their marital problems. The last thing the stake president declared to Vivienne at the end of her testimony tonight was: “Vivienne, I know and every man in this room knows that you are not an abuser."
Love,
Dad & Mom
Dear family,
President Dickey, Vivienne’s stake president, called her this morning and told her the outcome of the disciplinary council last night. He did not say she cannot tell others, but only that she was not to post it on social media.
We’ve also learned that Brett was notified this morning and that he then texted his family announcing he was excommunicated last night.
While a very sorrowful time, we believe it will help Vivienne heal. She now knows, after being told for a decade that she was a horrible wife and mother and that she was a chronic abuser of her husband, that, in fact, she was not an abuser—a fact now validated by 15 priesthood leaders, who are trying to live the gospel and entitled to inspiration.
We fully expect Brett will paint himself the martyr, that Vivienne threw him under the bus. He continues to insist he was the victim, not the abuser. But if he truly believed he was innocent, he would have accepted the invitation to attend the disciplinary council last night and defend himself. But he declined.
One of the ironies of all of this is that Brett threatened Vivienne many times in their marriage that he would divorce her if she ever went to priesthood leaders or even parents about their marriage. In the end, she not only had to tell a priesthood leader, but the entire body of priesthood leadership of their stake! (BTW...Among those sitting on the council was Brett’s uncle, his mother’s brother. He was the one who wept the most as the story was unfolded to the council last night. He went up to Vivienne afterwards expressing his deep sorrow for what she had to endure.)
Beyond sharing this with your spouse, please do not tell others. We wanted you to know so you can take hope that while this deeply saddens Vivienne, we believe this will be a benchmark in her healing.
There is a still a long road to travel—both in completing the divorce settlement and future parental interactions (Brett continues to try every way he can to control and manipulate her)—but we are hopeful this is one more step in the right direction.
Love,
Dad & Mom
Dear family,
One of your siblings replied privately asking if I was shocked that Brett was excommunicated and not disfellowshipped or something less harsh. I thought it would be helpful if I answered that question to all of you.
First, let me say that I would have been shocked had he NOT been excommunicated. I’ll try to explain why below.
Vivienne’s stake president called me last evening to make sure I had received word as to the outcome. We had a nice visit, but didn’t really visit much about the council itself inasmuch as it’s very confidential. So I’m not positive how he viewed it, except how he was so disappointed that Brett in multiple meetings refused to own up to any wrongdoing.
In my journal last night, I referenced 5 reasons that I think justified excommunication: (1) the abuse occurred for so long (about 10 years); (2) Brett’s church leadership position (bishopric for 3 years); (3) espousing and sharing apostate views; (4) his refusal to comply with counsel from priesthood leaders after being asked to repent (specifically to slow down the process and seek marriage counseling before jumping to divorce); and (5) use of the temple ceremony to justify unrighteous dominion.
You may find interesting the factors priesthood leaders are instructed in Handbook 1 to consider in reaching a decision in a formal disciplinary council; they are (with an explanation about each):
1. Violation of covenants
2. Position of trust or authority
3. Repetition
4. Magnitude
5. Age, maturity, experience
6. Interests of the innocent
7. Time between transgression and confession
8. Voluntary confession
9. Evidence of repentance
These are not to be the only factors, but to help leaders make sure they consider all facets before making a final judgement that can have such lasting, maybe eternal, impact on the lives of members.
My personal feeling is that excommunication is not punishment, despite how it appears. As you know, God binds us to Him through ordinances and covenants. That’s one of the singular purposes of even having a church. It provides a vehicle for the proper authority to bind God’s imperfect, mortal children with Him with a promise of eternal life—life with Him and life like Him. These are not just nice rituals that make us feel good. They are each centered on covenants—magnificent promises from an all-knowing, all-powerful, all-loving God.
In my opinion, when we openly rebel against the light, knowledge and truth of these ordinances and covenants, God, in His mercy, “frees” us from this binding power so that our covenants do not condemn us, just as they bless us. This is not a doctrine, but my opinion.
While in that sense, it may seem excommunication is a blessing to the rebellious. The flip side, of course, is that it becomes extremely difficult to repent. Not because we don’t know better, but because we no longer have the gift of the Holy Ghost to draw us back into His influence and feel that yearning from Him for us to come home and to be one with Him.
So here are three reasons that I feel justified Brett’s excommunication:
1. MOCKING GOD: A few of you are aware that a few nights ago mother, who is very sensitive to spiritual promptings, awakened in the middle of the night a few nights ago with the forceful thought “Mockery of God.” It, of course, caused her to recall a phrase with which all of you are familiar: “God will not be mocked.”
I may have shared with you a teaching that I use relatively often to help explain to members why the bishopric (and other presiding officers) sit on the stand in our services. Wouldn’t it be more appropriate for them to sit on the front row to demonstrate that they are “ordinary” members—not paid clergy? I teach that its the Lord’s way of helping all of us understand that priesthood leaders face us because they represent the Lord to the congregation. They do not represent the congregation to the Lord. That’s why we can accept their counsel in righteousness and the inspiration within their stewardship. We are to look to them, even with all their failings and weaknesses, as God’s mouthpieces for us.
So when we are in a position of leadership, especially when we sit on the stand, we are to represent God in righteousness. If we are presenting ourselves as being righteous in public, but transgressing in private, we mock God. And God will not be mocked.
2. UNRIGHTEOUS DOMINION: In my opinion, Brett mocked God in yet another way. He regularly used the temple ceremony to threaten Vivienne that she must submit to him and his will in every aspect of their marriage. He was tenaciously controlling, often demanding that she admit, believe and even convince him over and over that she was being abusive to him.
Vivienne was so determined to keep her temple covenants and honor the priesthood holder in their family, that she accepted his direction even when she felt uncomfortable to do so. That was compounded by Brett often threatening divorce if she ever confided with parents or priesthood leaders about what was happening in their marriage. Vivienne, terrified that divorce would suspend her own eternal covenants and blessings, painfully kept silent through the years.
[As an aside, Brett’s declaration of divorce in late December 2018 was a blessing. We've come to the conclusion that Brett’s insistence that he received a revelation to divorce his wife may truly have come from God—as confusing as that may sound. But obviously not for the reason Brett assumed. His declaration of divorce finally “unchained” Vivienne to divulge with us and priesthood leaders what had bee happening for the past decade in their marriage.]
3. SPIRIT OF REPENTANCE: To me the most compelling factor when it comes to church discipline is the transgressor's spirit of repentance. Did they confess voluntarily…and quickly? Or did they do it out of duty or being caught? Are they contrite, willing to be taught about repentance? Are they willing to walk the repentant's path? Do they understand how they offended God? Do they experience Godly sorrow? Are they submissive, willing to turn to the Lord in every thing asked of them by those with priesthood keys, called to be judges in Israel?
That has been the most heartbreaking aspect of Brett’s response to his priesthood leaders’ multiple attempts to help him desire to repent. He insists personal revelation must confirm every decision or counsel from priesthood leaders, including the President of the Church. If he doesn’t get such revelation, then Brett concludes it must not be true or not of God. Brett has placed himself as the ultimate judge as to God’s direction for himself and others.
It seems that each of you have learned, one way or another, that a disciplinary council was conducted this evening for Brett in the Portland Stake.
As you may be aware, such councils are supposed to be VERY confidential. Technically none of us should have known, even though your sister was asked to appear as a witness.
It became “public” of sorts when Brett, who was invited to participate by the stake president, texted some of his family members, including a close first cousin, and told them his stake was holding such a council and that he didn’t plan to attend (he did not attend). Brett has told Vivienne that because he (Brett) has not received personal revelation confirming the inspired conclusions the stake president reached about his (Brett’s) behavior that merits a disciplinary council, then the stake president must be misguided. So Brett feels the council is a sham and should be disregarded.
We don’t believe the council was held because Brett and Vivienne are divorcing, but because of his abusive actions in their marriage especially while Brett was serving in a significant priesthood leadership capacity.
However, we know you want to know what happened tonight. We’ll tell you what we know from mother’s perspective and then ask that we not speculate or seek a final disposition. Again, this is all supposed to be extremely confidential and so we need to be careful we don’t ask too many questions.
Vivienne appeared before the disciplinary council this evening (stake presidency and high council) for about an hour. Needless to say it’s extremely intimidating for anyone to be brought into such a setting. Vivienne later said, “I felt the family’s prayers and love for me during the whole thing.” So thank you!
Vivienne was allowed to invite mother to be with her. Mother sat next to her at the end of the high council table as Vivienne responded to questions about the marriage and what happened over the years.
Mother said Vivienne was amazing! She was extremely credible, not attacking Brett but just explaining—sometimes in detail—how he abused her mentally, emotionally, spiritually, financially and tragically sexually. Mother said several in the room wept or fought tears. Mother was also asked to share her observations, which she did at the end.
Overall it was, as it’s supposed to be, a “council of love.” There was no attacking or criticizing, but just an open discussion as to what has happened over the past 10 of their 13 years of marriage. Brett and Vivienne’s bishop was also invited to share after Vivienne and mother were excused. They were not privy to his “testimony,” but he was only in the council for about 15 minutes. They were all excused after that.
Typically, after listening to testimony, the stake president invites those serving on the council to share observations and feelings. After that the stake presidency adjourns to the president’s office where they discuss their feelings and then, if they come to a consensus (among the three), they then present their decision to the Lord in prayer for confirmation or the president may ask each of the three to offer a prayer as they seek the Lord’s guidance.
A judgment is reached (the stake president having the final say) and taken back into the high council room where high councilors are asked to sustain the decision. The “defendant” is then brought back into the room where the decision is rendered to him (or her) and, for lack of a better explanation, "terms of repentance" are given. Later the stake president writes a letter describing again the “terms of repentance” (expectations of the person before he or she is brought back into full fellowship or even full membership again).
So there’s a decent chance we’ll never know what the decision was tonight. It would not be out of the question if the stake president calls Vivienne tomorrow to tell her the outcome and then adds, “But you are not to tell anyone.”
Even though he didn’t attend, Brett also needs to be informed of the decision. There’s a chance he’ll “broadcast” it to his family and if it gets back to us that way (several still communicate with Vivienne) we may share it with you.
In the meantime, know that the council is over and Vivienne is moving on. We’re sorry we can’t give you more details or even the final outcome. But know that your prayers on Vivienne’s behalf were much needed and most helpful to her. Mother could not say enough how very proud she was of Vivienne in such an intimidating situation.
One more thing…prior to the council meeting, the stake president asked Vivienne to write down all the abuse incidences she could remember. She later submitted to the stake president a 9-page document, single spaced, detailing the many ways and the many times Brett had used abusive tactics to break down Vivienne’s self-worth and convince her she was the abuser and that she alone was the cause of their marital problems. The last thing the stake president declared to Vivienne at the end of her testimony tonight was: “Vivienne, I know and every man in this room knows that you are not an abuser."
Love,
Dad & Mom
Dear family,
President Dickey, Vivienne’s stake president, called her this morning and told her the outcome of the disciplinary council last night. He did not say she cannot tell others, but only that she was not to post it on social media.
We’ve also learned that Brett was notified this morning and that he then texted his family announcing he was excommunicated last night.
While a very sorrowful time, we believe it will help Vivienne heal. She now knows, after being told for a decade that she was a horrible wife and mother and that she was a chronic abuser of her husband, that, in fact, she was not an abuser—a fact now validated by 15 priesthood leaders, who are trying to live the gospel and entitled to inspiration.
We fully expect Brett will paint himself the martyr, that Vivienne threw him under the bus. He continues to insist he was the victim, not the abuser. But if he truly believed he was innocent, he would have accepted the invitation to attend the disciplinary council last night and defend himself. But he declined.
One of the ironies of all of this is that Brett threatened Vivienne many times in their marriage that he would divorce her if she ever went to priesthood leaders or even parents about their marriage. In the end, she not only had to tell a priesthood leader, but the entire body of priesthood leadership of their stake! (BTW...Among those sitting on the council was Brett’s uncle, his mother’s brother. He was the one who wept the most as the story was unfolded to the council last night. He went up to Vivienne afterwards expressing his deep sorrow for what she had to endure.)
Beyond sharing this with your spouse, please do not tell others. We wanted you to know so you can take hope that while this deeply saddens Vivienne, we believe this will be a benchmark in her healing.
There is a still a long road to travel—both in completing the divorce settlement and future parental interactions (Brett continues to try every way he can to control and manipulate her)—but we are hopeful this is one more step in the right direction.
Love,
Dad & Mom
Dear family,
One of your siblings replied privately asking if I was shocked that Brett was excommunicated and not disfellowshipped or something less harsh. I thought it would be helpful if I answered that question to all of you.
First, let me say that I would have been shocked had he NOT been excommunicated. I’ll try to explain why below.
Vivienne’s stake president called me last evening to make sure I had received word as to the outcome. We had a nice visit, but didn’t really visit much about the council itself inasmuch as it’s very confidential. So I’m not positive how he viewed it, except how he was so disappointed that Brett in multiple meetings refused to own up to any wrongdoing.
In my journal last night, I referenced 5 reasons that I think justified excommunication: (1) the abuse occurred for so long (about 10 years); (2) Brett’s church leadership position (bishopric for 3 years); (3) espousing and sharing apostate views; (4) his refusal to comply with counsel from priesthood leaders after being asked to repent (specifically to slow down the process and seek marriage counseling before jumping to divorce); and (5) use of the temple ceremony to justify unrighteous dominion.
You may find interesting the factors priesthood leaders are instructed in Handbook 1 to consider in reaching a decision in a formal disciplinary council; they are (with an explanation about each):
1. Violation of covenants
2. Position of trust or authority
3. Repetition
4. Magnitude
5. Age, maturity, experience
6. Interests of the innocent
7. Time between transgression and confession
8. Voluntary confession
9. Evidence of repentance
These are not to be the only factors, but to help leaders make sure they consider all facets before making a final judgement that can have such lasting, maybe eternal, impact on the lives of members.
My personal feeling is that excommunication is not punishment, despite how it appears. As you know, God binds us to Him through ordinances and covenants. That’s one of the singular purposes of even having a church. It provides a vehicle for the proper authority to bind God’s imperfect, mortal children with Him with a promise of eternal life—life with Him and life like Him. These are not just nice rituals that make us feel good. They are each centered on covenants—magnificent promises from an all-knowing, all-powerful, all-loving God.
In my opinion, when we openly rebel against the light, knowledge and truth of these ordinances and covenants, God, in His mercy, “frees” us from this binding power so that our covenants do not condemn us, just as they bless us. This is not a doctrine, but my opinion.
While in that sense, it may seem excommunication is a blessing to the rebellious. The flip side, of course, is that it becomes extremely difficult to repent. Not because we don’t know better, but because we no longer have the gift of the Holy Ghost to draw us back into His influence and feel that yearning from Him for us to come home and to be one with Him.
So here are three reasons that I feel justified Brett’s excommunication:
1. MOCKING GOD: A few of you are aware that a few nights ago mother, who is very sensitive to spiritual promptings, awakened in the middle of the night a few nights ago with the forceful thought “Mockery of God.” It, of course, caused her to recall a phrase with which all of you are familiar: “God will not be mocked.”
I may have shared with you a teaching that I use relatively often to help explain to members why the bishopric (and other presiding officers) sit on the stand in our services. Wouldn’t it be more appropriate for them to sit on the front row to demonstrate that they are “ordinary” members—not paid clergy? I teach that its the Lord’s way of helping all of us understand that priesthood leaders face us because they represent the Lord to the congregation. They do not represent the congregation to the Lord. That’s why we can accept their counsel in righteousness and the inspiration within their stewardship. We are to look to them, even with all their failings and weaknesses, as God’s mouthpieces for us.
So when we are in a position of leadership, especially when we sit on the stand, we are to represent God in righteousness. If we are presenting ourselves as being righteous in public, but transgressing in private, we mock God. And God will not be mocked.
2. UNRIGHTEOUS DOMINION: In my opinion, Brett mocked God in yet another way. He regularly used the temple ceremony to threaten Vivienne that she must submit to him and his will in every aspect of their marriage. He was tenaciously controlling, often demanding that she admit, believe and even convince him over and over that she was being abusive to him.
Vivienne was so determined to keep her temple covenants and honor the priesthood holder in their family, that she accepted his direction even when she felt uncomfortable to do so. That was compounded by Brett often threatening divorce if she ever confided with parents or priesthood leaders about what was happening in their marriage. Vivienne, terrified that divorce would suspend her own eternal covenants and blessings, painfully kept silent through the years.
[As an aside, Brett’s declaration of divorce in late December 2018 was a blessing. We've come to the conclusion that Brett’s insistence that he received a revelation to divorce his wife may truly have come from God—as confusing as that may sound. But obviously not for the reason Brett assumed. His declaration of divorce finally “unchained” Vivienne to divulge with us and priesthood leaders what had bee happening for the past decade in their marriage.]
3. SPIRIT OF REPENTANCE: To me the most compelling factor when it comes to church discipline is the transgressor's spirit of repentance. Did they confess voluntarily…and quickly? Or did they do it out of duty or being caught? Are they contrite, willing to be taught about repentance? Are they willing to walk the repentant's path? Do they understand how they offended God? Do they experience Godly sorrow? Are they submissive, willing to turn to the Lord in every thing asked of them by those with priesthood keys, called to be judges in Israel?
That has been the most heartbreaking aspect of Brett’s response to his priesthood leaders’ multiple attempts to help him desire to repent. He insists personal revelation must confirm every decision or counsel from priesthood leaders, including the President of the Church. If he doesn’t get such revelation, then Brett concludes it must not be true or not of God. Brett has placed himself as the ultimate judge as to God’s direction for himself and others.
If Brett had even shown a sliver of remorse, the slightest hint that he wanted to repent and follow priesthood leaders’ counsel, I personally think the disciplinary council would have been very different and possibly with a very different outcome.
So there you have it. More than you ever wanted to know why I believe the Lord directed the Portland Stake presidency to excommunicate Brett.
Despite my current leadership calling, please know that I am sharing personal opinions above. They are not handbook edicts or guidance for you. My only hope is that they will be helpful insights into understanding why I believe Brett is no longer a member. We miss him and continue to pray for him that his heart will soften.
Some day, possibly not until the next life, his pride will be stripped, his “eyes of understanding" will be opened and he will “come to himself” and realize with horrible remorse what he has done. For his sake, we hope it will happen sooner, not later. Not only so Vivienne can receive the apology she so deeply deserves—and which he refuses to give her—but so he can put his feet again on this marvelous covenant path back to our loving Heavenly Parents.
As your earthly parents, we love you with a love we cannot adequately express and thank you for the many ways you honor us and honor God.
So there you have it. More than you ever wanted to know why I believe the Lord directed the Portland Stake presidency to excommunicate Brett.
Despite my current leadership calling, please know that I am sharing personal opinions above. They are not handbook edicts or guidance for you. My only hope is that they will be helpful insights into understanding why I believe Brett is no longer a member. We miss him and continue to pray for him that his heart will soften.
Some day, possibly not until the next life, his pride will be stripped, his “eyes of understanding" will be opened and he will “come to himself” and realize with horrible remorse what he has done. For his sake, we hope it will happen sooner, not later. Not only so Vivienne can receive the apology she so deeply deserves—and which he refuses to give her—but so he can put his feet again on this marvelous covenant path back to our loving Heavenly Parents.
As your earthly parents, we love you with a love we cannot adequately express and thank you for the many ways you honor us and honor God.
I hope the above is helpful.
Love,
DadL
Love,
DadL
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