A warning to Duraye about living alone in her old apartment

9 March 2021

Hi, again, Duraye…

I don’t know if you even want to hear from me again, but I wanted you to be aware of something that may not have occurred to you.

When it comes to re-establishing a relationship with your family including your daughters…assuming that’s important to you…that which everyone is looking for from you is (1) a sincere recognition that you are ill (have a serious addiction) and (2) that you are willing to do whatever it takes to get well (not expect it be on your terms). 

I realize you think going to the Ranch for 2-3 months proved both #1 and #2, but as you saw in the reaction from the family, no one believes you were sincere with either.

So no matter what you think in your heart is the truth, as you said, perception is reality and reality with the family, including your daughters, is that you’re still not serious about recognizing your illness and professionally addressing it.

It occurs to me that if anyone else in our family (I have not told anyone, only Vivienne) learned that you’re back in your old apartment in Scottsdale, they would consider that rock solid evidence that Duraye still refuses to accept she’s seriously ill and refuses to get the treatment needed to address her level of addiction. 

In other words, if you ever want to re-connect with your family, including your daughters, I strongly, strongly recommend you find another place to live as soon as you can. I realize you have a support network in that ward, which is wonderful. So my counsel is that you let the bishop know that you are looking for a place to live…possibly a basement apartment with a member family, or even a room in the home of another single sister.

I can’t stress enough how much not living alone would help restore trust with your family.

If they learned you were back in the same apartment alone where you battled your demons (demons always come back, if they ever left), I personally think you will push back restoring trust by years. It sends an unmistakable signal that you want to go back to the “old” Duraye and her “old” life.

I realize your options are limited, but please let the bishop know how much you need to get out of your apartment…not just because you don’t have any furniture…but because you are at high risk alone in that apartment and need to be around others, preferably who live the gospel. As you so well know, loneliness triggers addictions.

Duraye, you are sitting on a powder keg in that apartment and it will explode before you ever get to see your grandchild. Satan will make sure of that. That’s his singular goal…to destroy lives and disrupt family relationships.

Please actively pursue a way to move elsewhere in your ward. I hope this is helpful and not offensive. 

Love,

Crismon